(December 3, 1998)
Written by: Dan Vebber
INT. CAVE OFF SEWER TUNNELS - NIGHT
Smoke . That's all we see at first. Then a shape moves quickly through it. Hard to say what it is, but it's not nice.
CLOSE ON: BUFFY
She waits. Eyes front, focused, listening intently.
ANGLE: THE CREATURE
As it stops, turning. It is a demon, obviously female. Gnarled and hideous. It cranes its neck about, birdlike. Seeking prey.
CLOSE ON: FAITH
(under her breath)
The Demon whips its head in the direction of her voice - And Buffy TACKLES it, slams it into the wall - it SCREECHES and claws at her, Giles joins her and grabs its arm, the two try to pin it -
It slams Giles against the wall and he lets go, winded with pain -
- but Faith is already there, in position. She hoists a ceremonial sword and PLUNGES it into the demon's heart while Buffy holds it.
It screams. Shudders. Falls. The three gather about it.
I think that's the last.
Over in a corner, she mumbles a quick bit of Latin, extinguishing a smoking candle -
Dissipate. Ut venistis, abite.
Obscurate nos non diutius.
Dissipate. As you have come,
be gone. Cloud us no longer.
-- and the fog in the room dissipates almost instantly, revealing the dark and creepy chamber. It is hewn from rock, a nest right off the tunnels. Old metal drums and debris are piled by the tunnel access, a rusted pile of junk.
Our four heroes stand amid the bodies of three such demons. Buffy crosses to the fairly wigged Willow.
Are you okay?
I'm fine. The shaking is a side effect
of the fear.
Well, if it wasn't for your clouding spell-
It went good! Nothing melted
like last time.
These babes were wicked rowdy.
What's their deal?
I wish I knew. I heard there was a
nest here, but quite frankly I was
expecting vampires. These are new.
Well, I'm sorry. I should have had
you better prepared, and I should
never have allowed Willow and… and…
He pauses, looks around. Everyone else stops, looks too.
ANGLE: THE PILE OF RUBBISH
As it starts to move and Xander laboriously pulls himself out of it.
I'm good. We're fine over here.
Little bit dirty.
(dusts himself off)
Good show, everyone. Just great. I
think we have a hit.
Are you okay?
Tip top. Really. If anyone sees my spine
lying around, just try not to step on it.
Xander, one of these days you're
gonna get yourself hurt.
Or both. You know, with pain and then
the death. You shouldn't be leaping into
the fray like that. You should be fray-adjacent.
Excuse me: who, at the crucial moment,
distracted the lead demon by allowing
her to pummel him about the head?
Yeah, that was pretty manly the way
you shrieked and all.
I think you'll find that was more
of a bellow.
So what do we do about the Heroic
trio here? Should we burn the bodies?
I brought marshmallows!
(off their looks)
Occasionally I am callous and strange.
I expect we can leave them. I'm
more interested in finding out what
they are, and if we can expect any
more of their kind.
I hope not. These guys are way too fit.
They all start out of the cave, Xander and Giles bringing up the rear.
I say bring 'em on.
Xander, I do think it best if you keep
to the rear of the battle in future. For
your own sake.
But gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois
get all the big stories I'll never be a
(off his look)
Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much
gonna be lost on you.
EXT. SCHOOL PALM QUAD - DAY
Xander is alone, hanging out, doing nothing. A couple of guys throw a football back and forth. People sit, eat, study - typical sunny school tableau.
Xander spies Cordelia nearby. Tries to get in the game with the fellas.
Hey! Bobby! Toss me one.
Les, man, I'm open.
Let's go Bobby!
Bobby actually looks at him. Tosses him the ball.
That's right, it's all me -
Xander bobbles, can't get it - and the ball lands right in the lap - right in the LUNCH - of JACK O'TOOLE, resident bully. Should have graduated three years ago. Mean, but cool. Carries himself well.
Boy, I'm so sorry, Bobby's throwing
is - his arm's like spaghetti, we're all
just so sad for him, is your lunch okay?
What are you, retarded?
He speaks with soft menace, the anger coming through his eyes, not his pitch. Did I mention he's large?
No! I mean I had to do that test when
I was seven, a little slow in some stuff,
mostly math and spatial relations, but
certainly not "challenged" or anything,
can I buy you another soda?
I ought to cut your face open.
Hey! It was an accident, okay?
(gets in his face)
You wanna be starting something?
What? Starting - like that Michael
Jackson song, that was a lot of fun…
"too high to get over - yeah yeah."
Remember… that fun song…
I get my buddies together, we're gonna
kick you're ass till it's a brand new
shape. Now get out of here.
Xander does, grabbing the ball and tossing it back to Bobby and Les as he passes Cordelia.
Boy, of all the humiliations of yours
I've witnessed, that was the latest.
I coulda taken him.
Oh, please. O'Toole would macramé
your face. He's a psycho. Which is
still cooler than being a wuss…
Why is it that I've come face to face
with vampires, demons, the most
hideous creatures hell ever spit up,
and I'm still afraid of a little bully
like Jack O'Toole?
Because unlike all those other creatures
you came face to face with… Jack
actually noticed you were there.
Why am I not surprised by how
comforting you're not?
It must be hard when all your friends
have, like, superpowers. Slayers and
werewolves and witches and vampires
and you're like this little nothing.
You must feel like… like Jimmy Olsen.
I was just saying to -
Hey! Mind your own business.
Ohh, hit a nerve. The Boy Who Had
I happen to be an integral part of the
group and I happen to have a lot to offer.
Integral part of the group. Xander.
You're the useless part of the group.
You're the Zeppo.
Xander really wishes he had a comeback.
Cool. Look it up. It's something
a subliterate who's repeated the 12th
grade three times has and you don't.
Cordelia turns on her heel, saying to herself as he recedes in the distance:
There was no part of that that wasn't fun.
We hold on Xander, looking pretty glum.
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
Xander is not any happier. He sits with Oz, who listens patiently to Xander's lament.
But I mean, what is it? How do you
get it? Who doesn't have it? And who
decides who doesn't have it? What is
the essence of cool?
I mean you yourself, Oz, are considered
more or less cool. Why is that?
Is it about the talking? You know,
the way you tend to express yourself
in short, noncommittal phrases?
No. No. It's the guitar thing.
You're in a band, that's like a
business class ticket to cool with
complimentary mojo after takeoff.
I should play an instrument. Is it
hard to play guitar?
Not the way I play it.
Okay but on the other hand, eighth
grade I'm taking flugelhorn and getting
zero trim, so the instrument thing could
be a mislead. But you need a thing.
One thing nobody else has.
What do I have?
An exciting new obsession - which I
feel makes you very special.
And now the mocking, which I can
handle because I'm right about this,
I'm on the track. Need to find my thing.
Just kinda feel you're overthinking it.
You've got some identity issues,
INT. LIBRARY - SUNSET (DAY)
The end of the world.
He looks very serious, at an equally serious Buffy.
Can they do it?
They seem very committed to it. The
Sisterhood of Jhe is an apocalypse cult,
they exist solely to bring about world
destruction. And we've not seen the last
of them. More will follow.
And they're in Sunnydale for what?
Buffy, this is no laughing matter.
Hence my no laughing.
Oz enters, exchanges nods with the other two as he puts himself in the book cage.
Giles looks at his watch -
Ah yes. Cutting it a bit close.
You know me.
Oz begins taking off his shirt but the other two are back into their conversation, not paying him any mind.
Well, do we know why they're here?
I think so. Based on the artifacts I found
with them, and taking into account the
current astral cycle -
Giles, I don't need to see the math.
They intend to open the Hellmouth.
Buffy is thrown by that one.
The Hellmouth. The one that opens -
About twenty feet from where
Buffy looks at the spot, as does Giles.
ANGLE: IN THE CAGE
Is werewolf Oz. He too stares at the Hellmouth spot, and he lifts his head up and HOWLS piteously.
EXT. FRONT OF SCHOOL - THE NEXT DAY
Buffy walks with Willow.
And if it opens?
Remember that demon that almost
got out the night I died?
Every nightmare I have that doesn't
revolve around academic failure or
public nudity is about that thing. In
fact, one time I dreamed that it attacked
me while I was late for a test and naked.
It'll be the first to come out. And it
won't be the worst by a long shot.
The world will be overrun with demons
unless we stop it.
Do we know when this is supposed
Giles is trying to narrow it down. If
you're up for it, we're headed into
deep research mode.
I'll be offended if you haven't already
counted me in.
Thanks. There's something about this
one… it scares me. I need my
Willow with me.
She puts her arms around Willow as they walk, sharing a comforting moment.
You don't have to be afraid.
Someone HONKS behind them and both girls jump, yelping. They turn in ire and stare in shock.
ANGLE: BEHIND THEM
is a gorgeous '57 CHEVY BEL AIRE, behind the wheel of which sits Xander Harris.
You girls need a lift?
The girls move aside as he parks the car right next to them, basking in his assumed coolness.
What is that?
Excitedly, Xander gets out of the car.
What do you mean, what is it? It's
(slowly, "don't you get it?")
Is this a penis metaphor?
My thing that makes me cool!
You know, that makes me unique.
I'm car guy. Guy with a car.
How could you afford it?
Uncle Roary stacking up the DUI's,
letting me rent this bad boy till
he's mobile again.
Well, it's nice.
If you could sound less enthused…
Biggest. Maybe more than I can handle.
Then we'll handle it together. You
know I'm here for you. Just tell
me what I can do.
EXT. ESPRESSO PUMP - DAY
Two of the glazed, two cinnamon,
couple of those crème-filled, and a
jelly. Let's round that out to four
As the GIRL behind the counter gets his donuts, Cordelia approaches.
Ooh, some evil going on? It must
be big for them to entrust you with
this daredevil mission.
Cordelia, feel free to die of a wasting
disease in the next twenty seconds.
He pays as they continue their ultra-charming banter.
Again I strike the nerve. I am
a surgeon of mean.
I'm busy right now, okay?
Right, Buffy needs your help.
Can you say 'expendable'?
He moves to his car, parked right outside. Turns back to Cordy.
You think you know everything -
I think I know you.
That's a laugh.
Oh, what, you got a shiny car and now
you're someone new. Like anyone
cares about -
Is that your car?
Cordelia stops. Lysette is beautiful. Lysette is talking to Xander. This cannot be right.
Why, yes, it is.
'57 Chevy Bel Aire, 283 C.I.D
solid lifter, fuel injected v8?
Uh… very possibly.
How does she handle?
Like a dream about warm sticky things.
You wanna go for a little drive?
Xander fairly beams at Cordelia.
Well, I have to drop these off, and then
I'd describe myself as 'expendable'.
He ushers her into the car. Cordelia is perplexed. And silent.
Xander peels out.
INT. BRONZE - NIGHT.
Xander sits at a table with Lysette, his expression 180 degrees from his last one. He is bored beyond belief.
And then, you know, I started seeing
Dave Peck; he had a Thunderbird, engine
completely tricked out, but the upholstery
was like shot, and then I was with his
friend Mike, not the Mike with the
Mercedes, the Mike with the Mustang,
an 82, v6, you know the look…
Angel makes his way through the crowd. Xander calls out to him as to a rescue ship.
Angel! Buddy. Friend buddy.
Do you want to stay and talk?
I'm looking for Buffy.
Library, last I saw.
Something's happening. I've seen
Apocalypse. They're on top of it.
I don't think they know what they're
Well, let's go! And tell them that.
No, you'd best stay out of harm's way.
But I could help…
But Angel is gone. Xander looks glumly after him.
You wanna go for another drive?
EXT. BRONZE/INT. XANDER'S CAR - NIGHT
Xander and Lysette get in the car as he grumbles.
It's not like I haven't helped before.
(starting her up)
I've done quality violence for those
people, do they even think of that?
They act like I'm some klutz --
SMASH! The car stops dead as he hits another car.
Oh my god. Are you okay?
That's gonna trash your hood.
He gets out (as does she) looking to inspect the damage - and the damage to the parked car he hit, which is considerably worse.
All right. Oh god. Stay calm.
Little fender bender, it's not --
The door of the other car opens. Jack O'Toole steps out. Premeditated murder in his eyes.
… the end of the world.
EXT. BRONZE - NIGHT
Jack looks at his car, at Xander. Xander looks stricken.
Oh. Gosh. Jack. Hey, are you okay?
I'm really sorry about that. Your
car came out of nowhere.
I was parked.
Exactly. Okay, I can cover the damages.
I don't have insurance in the strictest
sense of the word, but I have a little
money… The important thing is that
we're okay, and we can work this out
like two reasonable -
Jack pulls a HUGE Bowie knife out of the back of his pants -
Where do you want it?
Where do you want it?
I'm fairly certain that I don't want
it. But thank you!
Lysette has gotten out of the car now and offers the observation:
Wow, cool knife.
Yeah, great knife… although I think
it may be technically a sword…
She's called Katie.
You gave it a girl's name! How
very serial killer of you. Lysette,
I think we should go.
Jack grabs him, holds Katie to his face.
Would that make you happy?
Your woman's looking on and
you can't stand up to me? Don't
you feel pathetic?
Mostly I feel Katie.
You know what the difference between
you and me is?
Again, Katie springing to mind.
Fear. Who has the least fear.
And nothing to do with who has the
big sharp --
Jack puts Katie in Xander's hand and steps back.
Xander doesn't know what to do.
I wanna go for a drive. I'm bored.
Well I'm sorry my life or death
struggle isn't exciting enough --
Jack grabs him, knife hand and throat. Xander struggles with him as Jack inches the knife closer to Xander's stomach. Xander is strong, but Jack has a light in his eyes that means he's willing to go the extra mile, the one that crazy people run.
What's going on?
Jack breaks away from Xander, taking the knife and hiding it behind his back.
Nothing. Just rasslin'.
O'Toole. What a surprise.
He attack you?
Xander considers a moment.
No. Just letting off steam. Two
guys rasslin'. But not in a gay way.
He takes off. Jack turns to Xander. Stares at him.
That was all right.
He sticks Katie back in his pants.
Coulda narked on me, didn't do it.
(sizes him up)
I like you.
(a little worried)
Hey, you two wanna have some fun?
Like, with driving?
What did you have in mind?
I was on my way to get the boys
together. Gonna cruise around.
We'll take your wheels.
Well, what about your car?
They pile into Xander's car, Lysette in the middle, Xander not sure this is fun, but not convinced it isn't.
Okay, where to?
Get my buddies!
Yeah. Great. Where are your buddies?
EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT
Jack is in the middle of a ceremony, performing it at the foot of a grave. He walks around the grave a bit, waving a chicken foot at it and intoning in a low voice:
He calls forth, the spirit of Uurthu,
the restless, no one shall sleep. He shall
arise… hear, me, the blood of the Earth
shall restore him --
He cuts himself on the hand with Katie, lets a little blood fall on the grave.
… and he shall arise.
Xander looks a little worried. Lysette looks bored. Jack is purely focused on the grave.
A hand claws out of the grave. And then a whole body. BOB is a huge bruiser of a guy, took a bullet to the head about eight months ago. Looks the worse for it. He gets up, looking about him. Looks at Jack.
Bob, you hideous corpse, come here!
They give each other a big manly hug. Lysette, no longer bored, screams and runs away. Xander turns as she goes:
I'll call you…
Man, You raised me!
I told you my grandpappy could work
that mojo. And Big Bob is back in action.
They headbutt. They are dorks.
I can't believe you raised me! That
is so awesome. You are the coolest.
Maybe I should leave you two to
catch up --
Bob, this is Xander. He's our wheel man.
Dude, where are the other guys?
We gotta go get 'em!
Are they, um… are all your friends dead?
But the others have started away, Jack saying not entirely without menace:
Xander. Let's roll.
How long I been down?
Eight months! Hadda wait for the
stars to align.
Eight months! Man. I got some
catching up to do.
(turning to Jack)
You been taping Walker Texas Ranger?
Thank god. We'll get the guys together,
we'll parTAY. This is gonna be a
night to remember.
I'm sensing that.
EXT. ANOTHER GRAVEYARD - NIGHT
We see Giles in the middle of a circle of candles, communing with spirits of the undead. It's a big deal, as unearthly light, nearly in the form of a human, hovers before and above him. A heated conversation is going on. In LATIN, with SUBTITLES.
Noli me renuere,umbra
ducens! Sapientia manium
super me effundatur!
Do no deny me, spirit guide!
Let the wisdom of those who
have passed be showered upon me!
VOICE FROM EVERYWHERE
Illae res occultae sunt
tempori et locis obscuris!
Nmeo mortalis conscius
doctrinae peritae sit.
Enuntiare illas Chaos super
orbem vivum terrarum ferat!
These secrets belong to
time and the dark regions!
No mortal shall be privy to
the lost knowledge. To
reveal them would bring
Chaos down upon the living Earth!
Belua propulsanda est.
Invenire vitium suum nostar
spes sola est!
The beast must be fought.
Our only hope lies in
finding its weakness!
Noli petere! Perturba nos non diutius…
Seek not! Disturb us no longer...
The form dissipates, the candles all blowing out. Giles looks about him in frustration.
Xander approaches, curious.
Giles. Hey, what's going on?
Trying to gain access to the spirit
guides - not going very well, I'm
afraid. What are you doing here?
Oh, we've just been raising… some heck.
is over by the car with Bob and now another dead guy (Dickie). But they are at a distance and look more or less normal.
Xander! Let's go!
Listen, if you guys need help --
Thank you, but the best thing you
can do right now is to keep yourself
out of trouble.
Not much chance of that…
There's something different about
this menace. In the air, I can feel it.
The stench of death.
I think that's Bob.
(hand on Xander's shoulder)
We may all be called upon to fight
when it happens.
When what happens, exactly?
I'd best go. Hopefully, there will
be time to prepare. All we need is
a few weeks.
INT. WILLY'S BAR - NIGHT.
Buffy is kneeling behind the bar, next to a badly beaten Willy. (NOTE: this entire exchange takes place behind the bar so that we do not have to build the entire room.) What we can see - Bottles, cash register, etc., has been smashed up as well.
Before sunrise… that's what they said…
Why did they do this?
They were looking… for Angel.
Said they were coming after you too.
Said nothing could stand in their way
because tonight was --
(twinge of pain)
The ambulance is coming.
Kid, my clientele ain't exactly nuns
and orphans. But I never seen
anything like these demons.
I'm gonna stop them.
That Hellmouth opens, they're gonna
be the least of your problems, is my
train of thought.
He puts his hand on her arm.
If I was you, I'd go find Angel, go
somewheres quiet together. I'd be
thinking how I wanna spend my
last night on Earth.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. XANDER'S CAR - NIGHT
Let's get some beers!
The rowdy crowd now includes Jack, Bob, a burnt and wiry DICKIE, and a badly decomposed PARKER. They all yell assent to Bob's suggestion. All except Xander, grimly sitting behind the wheel.
Dude, lets go pick up some girls;
hang out at Taco Bell and get some
girls to cruise around!
I wanna bake a cake.
We gotta have beers, though!
Man, I can't believe you got shot!
Was it the Jackals?
Are you kidding? We wiped them out
after they threw you off the bridge.
Really? You guys are the best. I mean it.
Liquor store. Little Armenian guy, runs
the place, he had a gun behind the
counter. Hey, we should go kick his ass!
If you guys want me to drop you somewhere…
No. You're with us now.
Parker is sitting directly behind Xander - he puts his horrible hand on Xander's Shoulder.
Yeah, man, you're on the team! Yes!
What are we gonna do?
I've heard a lot of interesting
suggestions, but I'm gonna go
with Dickie's. Let's bake a cake.
Yes! Gonna do it! Gonna do it!
The other guys holler assent.
EXT. HARWARE STORE - NIGHT
The car pulls up and everyone piles out. Jack turns to Xander.
You stay here. And keep the
This time of night, I'm pretty sure
nothing's open --
Bob SMASHES the window of the hardware store with a trash can --
Oh. But of course they're open
The boys all pile in. Xander looks around him worried.
Is coming out of the magic shop, calling out--
Thank you! Sorry to wake you!
-- to the person closing the door and shutting off the lights. She comes hurriedly across the street and encounters Xander.
Xander! What are you doing here?
Nothing! Certainly not crime…
What about you?
I needed supplies for a protection
spell. Buffy called from Angel's:
It's happening tonight
And the thing that's happening
I can't stay. Buffy'll need this stuff.
She starts off, then comes back into frame, gives Xander a big hug.
I love you, Xander.
She says it like a real good friend (just so we're clear), then takes off at a run.
Okay, that's it, I'm going to --
He turns to go to the car and Jack is right behind him.
Where you going?
Look, something's come up.
You wanna bail on me? Is that it?
The boys come out of the store and dump a couple of plastic bags into the back of the car.
We got the cake mix!
Where do you wanna bake it?
Xander's looking to take off.
The guys come around.
No way. We need a wheel man.
Xander doesn't feel he's part of the
No, I'm just kind of busy…
Of course he doesn't feel like part of
the group. He hasn't been initiated!
Do you think he's ready?
He's earned his stripes. I say we
take him in.
Great… I wanna be in the gang, sure.
That's the spirit.
What do I gotta do?
Jack smiles, pulls Katie out of his pants.
You gotta die.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE OF HARDWARE STORE - NIGHT
Back to Xander, Jack and company.
Now guys… let's really talk about this.
You wanna be in the gang, don't you?
Yes, but I'm not dying to be in the
gang… if you get the… the pun
What, are you too good to be dead?
You got something against dead people?
Well, now, what about Jack? Jack
Jack smiles at Xander. He pulls his shirt up to reveal five bullet holes in his chest.
Three weeks ago. Drive by.
Grandpappy found my body. I wasn't
gone ten minutes before he raised me.
It's a rush, man.
They crowd around Xander.
Let's kill Xander! It'll be fun!
You'll be a full fledged member.
Come on, Xander. Take it like a man.
All right, enough!
They stop. Xander has a new attitude.
You guys had your fun. But I
think you're forgetting one thing.
A beat. He runs away.
They run after him. He runs around the Espresso Pump, then inside - they follow but he comes back, hopping off the couch, over the ledge heading for the car. They pursue.
Xander makes it to his car and slides into the front seat. Takes off. Jack and the boys react to the sound of the car PEELING RUBBER.
Damn! There goes our wheels.
And he got our stuff.
I wanna bake a cake!
It's all right. We'll get more
(looking out where Xander went)
The night is still young.
INT./EXT. XANDER'S CAR - NIGHT
He's driving like the proverbial bat out of hell.
I'd say that's pretty much enough
excitement for one evening.
He spins the wheel, SCREECHES around a corner into the park…
EXT. PARK - NIGHT
Where FAITH is in the middle of a vicious one-on-one with a DEMON. The demon is POWERFULLY strong, almost getting the better of her.
INT. XANDER'S CAR - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
As Xander spies Faith and the demon in front of him.
EXT. PARK - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
The demon rears up to deal Faith another mighty blow - just as XANDER'S CAR SLAMS INTO IT. The demon goes FLYING, hits the ground hard. It's STILL ALIVE, but momentarily incapacitated.
Xander throws open his passenger door, yells to Faith.
Faith scrambles into the car. Xander floors it, leaving the incapacitated demon BELLOWING in his dust.
INT. FAITH'S MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Faith and Xander pile into the room, slam the door. They are both highly agitated, full of beans. Xander heads for the window, peeks out the curtains.
Faith takes off her jacket, revealing a skimpy tank-top beneath.
You think Hell Mama followed us?
Naw, we're cool. The bitch
dislocated my shoulder, though.
He's not sure how to take that - moves in for an awkward hug. She takes Xander's hand, puts it on her upper arm. Places a hand against his chest and WRENCHES her shoulder forward, popping it back into place with an audible crunch.
He is still holding her arm. She still has her hand on his chest.
She got me really wound up. A fight
like that and no kill, I'm ready to pop.
(the intimacy making him nervous)
She slides her hand around his neck.
You up for it?
Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up.
Her other hand goes out of frame. She smiles.
It's just that I've never been, um,
up with people… before…
She kisses him, hard.
Relax. And take off your pants.
Those two concepts are antithetical.
She pulls off his shirt. She throws him onto the bed, straddles him. She pulls her own shirt off (Filmed so we see arms and shoulders only.)
Don't worry, I'll steer you 'round
Did I mention that I'm having a
very strange night?
She comes down and kisses the shit out of him.
INT. SAME - LATER
We see the inevitable pile of clothes, hear the ebbing of passion as two figures (filmed somewhat elliptically of course) come apart.
My God… Faith…
EXT. FAITH'S MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The door opens and Faith (wrapped in sheet) practically shoves Xander onto her landing. He is holding his shirt and his shoes.
That was great. I gotta shower.
She closes the door.
CLOSE ON XANDER
The definition of "spun." After a moment, he starts for his car.
INT. XANDER'S CAR - NIGHT
Xander climbs in, closes the car door. Just sits for a long beat. Then he looks in the rearview mirror, stops.
INSERT REAR VIEW MIRROR
Where we see THE BAG OF STUFF that Jack and the boys left behind.
The stuff as Xander rifles through it. It's full of wiring, an alarm clock, blasting caps, EXPLOSIVES. BOMB MAKING MATERIALS.
As he puts two and two together. PUSH IN on him as he says with grim certainty:
They're not baking any cake.
EXT. HARDWARE STORE - NIGHT.
Xander pulls up, jumps out of the car, looking in the store and around.
Long gone. Probably loaded with
supplies. Gotta think.
I can't believe I had sex!
(thinks some more)
Okay, bombs. Already dead guys with
bombs. Oh, man, I'm out of my league.
He hops back in the car.
Buffy'll know what to do!
INT. MANSION/EXT. GARDEN - NIGHT
Buffy and Angel are in THE MIDDLE of a heated, passionate exchange. A conversation that is, literally, life or death.
I don't know what to do!
Then let me decide for you. I can
face this thing --
I can at least buy you enough time
for Willow's spell to bind it. Buffy,
this is worse than anything we've
ever faced. It's the only way.
I can't watch you die again!
He comes to her, holds her.
I love you.
I love you…
Nothing can change that. Not even death.
She pushes him away.
Don't talk like that to me. You may
be ready to go but I'm not ready to
lose you. This is my fight and if you
won't do it my way --
Someone clears his throat.
Startled, they both turn to see Xander standing awkwardly in the garden entrance. Stare at him with tear stained faces. A long beat, then --
Sorry, I- There's this- I'm not a
hundred percent sure, but… It
seems like you two have bigger things-
Without another word, Xander turns and walks out. Buffy and Angel just stare a beat. Xander pops back in.
Can I help?
Silently, they both shake their heads
He goes again.
As he mounts the garden stairs.
Okay, I can work this out. I just gotta
figure out what they'd be likely to bomb.
INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
CLOSE ON GILES
As he lights a CANDLE with shaking fingers, chanting in Latin.
Terra, vente, ignis et
pluvia. Cuncta quattuor
numina, vos obsecro.
Defendite nos a recente
Earth, wind, fire and rain.
All four powers I beseech
you. Protect us from fresh
To show the library, which is reinforced against supernatural forces with candles, hanging incense, an arcane symbol drawn on the floor in sand, etc. Willow runs in with the tranquilizer gun, breathless.
Okay. Oz is moved. He could barely
walk after that mickey I gave him,
but we made it.
You think he'll be okay there?
Anywhere is safer than here.
Help me with the candles.
We're doing the binding spell
from Hebron's Almanac?
Yes, but once it's ready, you're
to stay back and let me do the final recitation
(she starts to --)
Don't argue with me. I want you safe.
(looking to where the opening will be)
Who knows what's going to come up
from beneath us.
Through the floor of the library, ending up in the
INT. BOILER ROOM - CONTINUOUS - (NIGHT)
Where Jack, Bob and Parker watch, excited, as Dickie ARMS, A HAPHAZARD BOMB, fashioned from explosives, complex wiring and a digital alarm clock timer. He makes a few final adjustments and stands back. Then the digital timer starts to COUNT DOWN FROM AN HOUR.
This is gonna be large.
INT. XANDER'S CAR - NIGHT
He drives, talking to himself.
Giles'll know what to do. He's way
more calm than Buffy.
He sees something out the window.
The dead dudes, shambling down the side of the road.
Okay. I need a plan…
EXT. STREET NEAR SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
The dead guys see Xander's car driving toward them.
Hey… Our wheels!
XANDER passes next to them, reaches out his window and GRABS PARKER BY HIS COLLAR, plucking him from the group.
The car zooms away, dragging Parker alongside. Jack, Bob and Dickie stand there stunned for a good beat before giving chase.
INT. XANDER'S CAR/EXT. STREET NEAR SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS
Xander has his right hand on the wheel - and his left hand grips Parker, holding him up to the car window. Parker's legs skip around on the street as it zooms under him. Parker is screaming, begging Xander to slow down.
Stop! Come on, stop, man!
Where's the bomb?
In the high school!
In the school where?
This really hurts! Boiler room!
(slowly, tough guy)
All right. Now I'm gonna ask this
once, and you better pray you get
the answer right. How do I defuse--
WHACK! A MAILBOX TAKES PARKER'S HEAD CLEAN OFF as the car passes. Xander YELPS as he dumps Parker's headless body into the street.
I should probably have left out that
whole middle part.
Xander turns the wheel hard and the car turns off toward the school.
EXT. STREET NEAR SCHOOL - NIGHT
Jack and the gang see Xander make the turn.
School! He's heading for the school!
That's it. No way am I bringing him
back after I kill him.
They take off at a dead run.
INT. SCHOOL HALL - NIGHT
Xander bursts in, running hard. He reaches the door leading to the boiler room. Tries to open it, finds it locked.
At the far end of the hall Jack, Bob and Dickie round the corner, see Xander.
There he is!
Xander abandons the door and takes off like a bat out of hell.
Where's a slayer when you need one?
INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
CLOSE ON BUFFY, FAITH, WILLOW, ANGEL AND GILES
Standing in a tight group - breathless as they contemplate an ENORMOUS HELLMOUTH CREATURE, which we can barely see. We should only get a snatch of tentacle here and there. Hellish lighting fills the room, strobing our heroes.
The creature BELLOWS, an EAR-SPLITTING cry that practically blows our gang's hair back. They are all terrified in a way we've not seen before - awestruck by the sheer magnitude of what they are facing. Finally, Giles manages-
My god… it's grown…
We PUSH PAST the group - the doors behind them filling the frame --
Now, through the windows, we see XANDER running past - clearly in mortal danger. Totally unaware of the goings on inside the library.
A BEAT LATER - JACK, BOB AND DICKIE, also oblivious, race by in close pursuit.
ANOTHER BEAT and DICKIE slides back into view - peering through the window.
Jack yells back at him.
Come on, man!
A beat. Then Dickie takes off after Xander again.
INT. NEAR LOUNGE AREA - NIGHT
Jack, Bob and Dickie come to a stop. They've lost Xander.
He couldn't have gotten far. Let's
The three go off in separate directions.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - NIGHT
Bob moves into the hall - sees A FIRE AXE on the wall. SMASHES the glass, takes it out.
Good for chopping.
INT. LOUNGE AREA - NIGHT
Xander races up into the raised lounge area - and runs into Bob, wielding the axe. Bob swings - Xander moves backwards and trips, falls down the two steps and into some tables. Bob follows hard upon, butting Xander in the face with the end of the axe as he tries to get up. Xander crawls away between tables, Bob follows--
Now this is my idea of fun!
He swings at Xander - and the axe gets stuck in the table. Bob tries to pull it out -
Xander comes up and slugs him, knocks him back. Xander grabs the axe, wrenches it free and knocks Bob down in the process. Bob lies on his back a moment, dazed as Xander starts to take off.
Xander pauses long enough to wedge the axe between the huge soda machine and the wall. He pushes, toppling the soda machine over.
ANGLE: BOB'S POV
As the soda machine comes down on his head like a sixteen ton weight. There is a sound not unlike a watermelon being squashed.
Comes running into the hall. He sees Bob's body and a soda machine where his head should be. Looks up and sees Xander step out with the axe.
Shoulda learned by now. If you're
gonna play with fire, you got to
expect that sooner or later -
Dickie runs away.
I wasn't finished!
(running after him)
Note to self: less talk.
INT. HALL OUTSIDE LIBRARY - NIGHT
From outside the shaking library doors, we can hear the commotion inside. It now sounds like our heroes have begun the battle in force. Occasional bursts of light spill from the porthole doors. We hear bodies being thrown around, grunting, yelling, etc. It's Omaha beach in there.
Suddenly the LIBRARY DOORS EXPLODE OPEN, revealing tentacles and smoke a'plenty inside. Buffy flies out backwards, landing on her back and skidding to a stop in the hall. She looks REALLY PISSED - flips to her feet, yells:
The heart, Faith! Go for its heart!
And she charges back into the (mostly unseen) melee.
INT. HALL - NIGHT
We hear them before we see them: XANDER CHASING DICKIE WITH THE AXE. Xander attack-yelling, Dickie screaming in terror.
They round a corner, disappearing for a moment. A beat. Then Xander runs back out, followed by Dickie, FOLLOWED BY THREE DEMONS. Xander makes a desperate turn up a side hallway.
Dickie doesn't go the same way, instead running out of frame in a different direction. The demons FOLLOW DICKIE out of frame, and we hear HIS SCREAMS AND THE SICKENING SOUND OF DICKIE BEING EATEN.
INT. HALL (ELSEWHERE) - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
Xander hears the horrible sounds of Dickie's demise. Terrified, he backs up against a wall. A beat as he tries to catch his breath.
Okay. Boiler room.
He heads one way - and a HELLMOUTH TENTACLE smashes out of the wall directly in front of him. It turns and roars at him, eyeless and toothsome.
He turns and runs off down the hall with his axe.
INT. CELLAR OUTSIDE BOILER ROOM - NIGHT
We hear the axe demolish the lock, and a door open at the top of the stairs opens. Xander comes down and goes through another door, marked BOILER ROOM.
INT. BOILER ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Xander enters the boiler room.
There are two doors leading to it: the one he just came in, and another opposite it.
THE BOMB is sitting in an open space near the center of the room.
Xander puts down the axe and approaches the bomb slowly, regards the mess of wires and the alarm clock. The clock is at TWO MINUTES and counting down. Xander notes this - talks to try to calm himself.
Two minutes… Dumb guy. Little
bomb. How hard can it be?
Without warning, Xander is YANKED OFF THE FLOOR by JACK and thrown against a nearby wall.
Just got harder
I'm not leaving here until that
thing is disarmed.
Then I guess you're not leaving.
Jack takes a series of mighty swings at Xander, who manages to block and duck the worst of it. Jack finally pins him against a wall, Katie straining toward Xander's face.
I'm gonna carve you up and serve you
with gravy. You piss me off, boy, you
pay the price. First the eyes, then the
tongue, then I'll break every one of
your fingers --
You gonna do all that in thirty eight
Jack spins to look at the clock - and in that moment Xander wrenches free and powerhouse-fists Jack into the opposite corner. Jack rises, dazed, glaring at his foe.
You're thinking, can I get by him?
Get up the stairs, out of the building?
Seconds ticking away, I don't love
You'll die too.
Yeah, looks like. So I guess the
question really is… who has less fear?
I ain't afraid to die. I'm dead.
Yeah, but this is different. Blowed
up isn't walking around and drinking
with your buddies dead. It's 'little bits
swept up by the janitor' dead, and I
don't think you're ready for that.
Beat. Jack. Xander. Clock.
I like the quiet.
INT. LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
Noise, lightening, smoke, the works.
Tries to pull a she-demon off Faith.
Is held up near the ceiling by a tentacle. (Actually, she's standing on a platform, it's do-able).
"et omnia vasa veritatis!"
"and all the vessels of truth!"
Now, Buffy! NOW!
She swings her battle axe back, screaming with effort, about to bring it forward --
INT. BOILER ROOM - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
Dead silence. Xander. Jack Clock.
Which reads, 7 seconds.
With a yelp, Jack drops Katie and dives for the bomb, pulling out the green wire (NOT THE RED WIRE!). He holds it, shaking, defeated.
Jack stands, dropping the now useless bomb. (He and Xander are both in front of doors - Xander's is the one that they came in from.)
I don't think I wanna be seeing you
around campus anymore, Jack.
Jack just looks down. Xander turns and goes.
INT. CELLAR OUTSIDE BOILER ROOM - NIGHT
Xander closes the door behind him - walks for the stairs. As he goes his LEGS GIVE OUT FROM UNDER HIM. He almost falls but manages to recover, never letting his cool factor waver.
INT. BOILER ROOM - NIGHT
Jack turns to go out the OTHER DOOR marked "EXIT." Mutters to himself:
I'm not going anywhere, Harris. And
the first time you turn your back --
Jack opens the door and immediately WEREWOLF OZ leaps out. Viciously ATTACKS HIM. Rips him apart (in an off-camera kind of way.)
EXT. SCHOOL - DAY
Buffy, Giles, Willow and Oz sit at a picnic table. Giles has his arm in a sling, Buffy has a bandage on her shoulder - they are the worse for it. Their conversation has the warm hush of people who have shared something extraordinary.
But Angel's gonna be okay?
He was only out for a few minutes.
Longest of my life.
I'll never forget that thing's face.
Its real face, I mean.
I don't know how you managed to…
That was the bravest thing I've ever
The stupidest. But the world
continues to turn.
And no one's ever gonna know how
close it came to stopping. Never
know what we did.
Xander. Boy, you're lucky you
weren't at school last night. It was
Well, give me the quiet life. I'm
gonna grab a snack. Anyone want?
I'm oddly full today.
He walks past the group and yes, there is a little something in his stride.
He approaches Cordelia, who of course starts right in.
Oh look, it's mister excitement. On
another life or death donut mission?
Or are we cruising for bimbos again.
Giving them lessons in lack of cool…
He stops, looking at her. Little calm smile. He's little calm smile guy.
He says nothing. Still with the smile.
HOLD ON Xander, calmly walking in the sun.