Season 2 | Episode 24 | Bad Eggs

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Episode Summary

Buffy runs into a cowboy vampire at the mall, then returns to her mom Joyce, who is becoming increasingly annoyed about her daughter’s lack of responsibility.

The next day at school in health class, the students are asked to take care of an egg as if it were a baby, to teach them how much responsibility it takes to be a parent.

Giles warns Buffy about the vamp she ran into — he and his brother, the Gorches, are cowboy vampires, but he’s not sure why they’ve been drawn to Sunnydale at this time.

But Buffy’s head is not into slaying or egg-raising these days — she’s ever more into the dreamy Angel, and her nights at the cemetery have become nothing more than make-out sessions with her undead man.

When Buffy returns from her non-productive investigation of the Gorches, she finds her egg baby shaking — she’s wigged. A gross scorpion-like slimy creature bursts from it and attacks her, but she manages to stab it to death.

She calls Willow to let her know what’s happened, but Willow says her own egg baby is fine, and there’s nothing to worry about.

But we see that Willow is lying, because her own egg is indeed broken apart, and she has a spaced-out look on her face. When Joyce enters Buffy’s room and finds her fully dressed, she thinks she’s getting ready to sneak out and grounds her.

The next day at school, Willow gathers the gang for a monster autopsy.

But she and Cordelia, whose egg has also spawned a creature, wind up decking Buffy and Xander and dragging them into a broom closet. Then, Willow, Cordy and a bunch of other students and teachers head zombie-like to the basement with shovels and axes.

Even Joyce winds up getting possessed, when she comes to school to fetch her grounded daughter and instead finds a spaced-out Giles, who throws one of the creatures onto her. When Buffy and Xander come to, they find a book which explains what’s going on.

There is a creature in the basement called a bazor, whose offspring attach themselves to human hosts and take control of their motor functions.

They follow a possessed student to the basement and discover Willow, Cordy, Giles, Joyce, and a bunch of others harvesting eggs from a gigantic slimy parasite. As Buffy looks for a weapon big enough to toast this mama bazor, the Gorch brothers show up.

One of the bazor’s tentacles drags Buffy under the floor, and suddenly all the babies fall off of their human hosts, who then fall to the ground.

Somehow  Buffy emerges victorious and the Gorches know they’ve met their match. The newly- unzombied Giles stumbles for an explanation for what’s happened to everyone, and tells the  student body there’d been a gas leak.

Once Joyce gets her bearing, Buffy is more grounded than ever. She’s not allowed to leave her room, but that doesn’t stop her from making out with Angel, who she kisses from her window as he is perched outside.

Shooting Scripts


BUFFY and JOYCE walk along. They have a couple of bags. Buffy is in wheedle mode, but it’s not

Come on, Mom, please?
I’m sorry, honey.

But… don’t you understand?
This is so important!

It’s an outfit. An outfit that you
may never buy.
But… I looked good in it!

You looked like a streetwalker.

But a thin streetwalker!

That’s probably not gonna be the
winning argument, is it?

You’re just too young to wear that.


I’m gonna be too young to wear that
till I’m too old to wear that.

That’s the plan…
(looking at her watch)
Oh. Stores are gonna close and I
still need to order the flyers for
the opening.

Joyce makes a decision. Looks through her purse and finds a receipt.


Okay, I’ll go to the printers and
then get our food. You go pick up my
outfit from the tailors at Everyday
Woman. Here’s the receipt–


“Everyday Woman?” Why didn’t you go
straight to “Muumuus R Us”?

Joyce points Buffy in the right direction.


Do now. Make fun of your mother later.

Buffy heads off on her mission. Joyce also moves off.
Buffy walks toward “Everyday woman”, a totally “L7” clothing store. She can’t help but notice a
YOUNG, STUDLY GUY in western-style clothes, who’s clearly hitting on a CUTE GIRL. The girl sits on a
bench outside the store. He stands by her, one foot on the bench. He talks, she laughs shyly.
Buffy turns to head into the store, then stops.
shows the reflection of the girl. Alone. She gets up.
Buffy turns, all business, as the (vampire) cowboy heads the girl toward a hallway. Buffy looks
around, then slowly heads after them.
Buffy comes to an arcade, stops. The place is closed, but the security gate has been jimmied open.
She listens, then starts forward.
Cowboy (LYLE GORCH) and girl are already up against a video game, kissing playfully. He has his hat
off, his face buried in her neck.


You know… you got about the
prettiest neck I’ve ever seen.


Wow, you guys really don’t ever come
up with new lines, do you?

He turns to face Buffy, standing some fifteen feet away. He is in VAMP FACE, growling. The girl, not
noticing the change, turns to Buffy also.


Do you mind? We were talkin’ here.

(to the vamp)

But you promised you’d never cheat on

me again, honey…
Uh, I better go…

Lyle turns on her, growls.

I ain’t done yet.
She starts back in horror, then takes off at a good clip.
Lyle steps up toward Buffy.


All right then, sugarlips. I’m all yours.

He lunges for her and she sends him reeling with a series of blows. He falls back, coming back up in
vamp face.


You’re a rough one, ain’t ya? I like that.

In a FLASH he comes at her. They trade blows but he gets in close. He gets a hold of her, lifts her
HIGH off the ground and SLAMS her into the WALL.

A pretty little tidbit like you with
so much kick… Have to be the
slayer I’ve been hearing so much
about- Lyle Gorch. Pleased to meet you.

In answer, BuffY viciously KNEES him in the FACE. He drops her and she SWEEP KICKS his legs out
from under him.

Pleasure’s mine.
She STRADDLES him, producing a STAKE from her jacket.
She RAISES the STAKE. But Lyle manages to ROLL OUT FROM UNDER HER and get to his feet. They
are both breathing hard, and the humor is gone from his gaze.
This ain’t over, girl.
And he’s gone. Buffy, winded, does not give chase.

Oh, sure… they say they’ll call…

Buffy’s mom in now sitting at the table with dinner. Buffy comes to the table, looking a little worse
for the wear. She sits.

Oh, bliss. Mall food.

She starts to eat. Joyce just looks at her.

Where’s my dress.
Oh. Oh my God.

Buffy, what were you — no, let me
guess. You were distracted by a boy.

Well, I’ll get it —

They’re closed. I’ll have to fit it
in tomorrow.

Buffy sits, contrite.


A little responsibility, Buffy,
that’s all I ask. Honestly, don’t
you ever think about anything besides

boys and clothes?

Saving the world from vampires.

Joyce stares at her.


I swear, sometimes I have no idea
what goes on in your head.

Off Buffy’s look…


Act One

Out of the darkness we hear the sound of SMOOTCHIES.

Then two familiar voices-

XANDER (0. C.)

I’m just worried that we’re going to

miss class-

A beat. An overhead light comes on.
In the light, XANDER and CORDELIA back away from each other.

You know. It’s really better for me
if you don’t talk.

Well. It’s really better for me with

the lights off.
She reaches for the STRING that turns the light off.
Sound of SMOOTCHIES AGAIN. For a beat.

Then another CLICK-
The lights are BACK ON. Now Xander holds the string.


Are you saying you can’t look at me
when we… whatever we do?
It’s not that I can’t. It’s more
that I… don’t want to.

That’s great. That’s just dandy.
We’re repulsed by each other. We
hide from our friends–
I should hope. Please.

All and all. This thing is not what
I’d call a self-esteem booster.

Tell me about it. I mean, look at
you. Where did you get those shoes?


Okay. You know what? I don’t need this.

He reaches for the door. Cordelia follows suit.

Ditto. Like a hole in the head.

Their hands touch. That’s all it takes. They’re all over each other – wild with… inexplicable… passion.
As they LOWER OUT OF FRAME, Cordelia grabs the string to the light.




WILLOW, Xander and Cordelia (both looking a bit mussed) are in TEEN HEALTH CLASS, which is
taught by a slight, somewhat nebbishy guy, MR. WHITMORE.
There are posters an the wall about vegetables, teen pregnancy, that sort of stuff. Mr. Whitmore is
pacing while the assembled class looks on.


The sex drive in the human animal is intense–

Willow squirms uncomfortably as DAVE, an ENORMOUS, DUMB JOCK looks over at her, smiles.

How many of us have lost countless
productive hours plagued by unwanted
sexual thoughts and feelings — ?

Xander’s hand shoots up.

That was a rhetorical question, Mr.
Harris. Not a poll.

Hand goes down.

Of course, for teenagers such an
yourselves these feelings are even
more overwhelming. With all sorts of
hormones surging through your bodies,
compelling you to action – it’s often
difficult to remember that there are
negative consequences to having sex.
would anyone care to offer one such


Cordelia’s hand shoots up.


That depends. Are you talking about
sex in a car or out of a car?
Because one time – a friend of mine,
not me – kicked the gear shift in a
Miata that was parked at the top of

this hill and–
(interrupting her)
I was thinking of something a little
more… commonplace, Ms. Chase.
Xander, jealous despite himself, shoots Cordelia a look and puts his hand up–

You want to talk negative
consequence? How about the
heartbreak of halitosis? I mean, a
girl may seem spiffy, but if she
ignores her flossing, the bloom is
definitely off the rose–

And now Cordelia’s hand is up again.


Like that compares to kissing a guy
who thinks the Hoover technique is a

big turn on–
Okay. Anyone–

What about having to feign interest
in her vapid, little chit-chat just to
get some touch? Boot cut jeans, pro
or con? Can you say – get a life!?

Who are all intently watching them. Xander and Cordy suddenly realize they are in the spotlight.


Now? Another consequence of sexual
activity? Anyone?

Cordelia is about to speak —

— else?

How about pregnancy? That would be
a major one – right?
Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg. Among
teens unwanted pregnancy would be
the number one negative consequence
of sexual activity. This is partly
because Some teens think of a baby
as a toy, or as a companion who will
give them love. The truth, of course,
is that a child is a relentless,
needy tyrant. So, as discussed last
week, I’ve devised an exercise that
may give you some idea of what an
enormous burden having your own
tiny charge can be–

Whitmore moves to his desk – uncovers a FULL CRATE OF EGGS he has hidden there.


Ladies and gentlemen. I present you
with your offspring. Your assignment
is as follows. You will split into
parenting teams. You and your
partner will share equally in the
daily task of “raising” your egg.

He holds up a small composition notebook.

Every aspect of your child’s care
will be recorded in this daily log.
If your egg breaks – you have killed
your child. Naturally, this will

affect your grade. Now, please,
choose a partner and pick up your


There is general hubbub in the room as people scramble to pair up.
Who glare at each other. Then Cordelia turns and grabs a BUFF BABE.
Xander follows suit, sidling up to a CUTE LITTLE MUFFIN, who has already been assigned an egg.

(to Muffin)

I know we just met, but isn’t that
Xander Jr. you’re holding?
The girl giggles. Cordelia sees this, turns away – annoyed.
Who sees DAVE barrelling toward her. She looks desperately around for another partner. But
everyone is already attached.
Off Willow’s despair–
Willow and Xander enter. Willow carries a small EGG CARTON with her.
Buffy is there, looking through some books.


Buffy. How come you weren’t in class?


Vampire issues. Did Mister Whitmore
notice that I was tardy?

I think the word you’re searching for

is ‘absent’.
Tardy people show.
Oh. Right.

And, yes, he noticed. So he wanted
me to give you this.
Willow hands BUFFY an EGG. Buffy takes it, puzzled.
As punishments go,
this is fairly abstract.
No, it’s your baby.
Okay, I get it even less.


You know, it’s the whole “sex leads
to responsibility” thing, which I
really don’t get. You gotta take
care of the egg, it’s a baby, gotta
keep it safe and teach it Christian values.

My egg is Jewish.

Then teach it that dreidel song.


God, I can’t do this… I can’t take
care of stuff! I killed my gigapet.
Literally! I sat on it and it broke.

She puts her egg on the counter.

You’ll do fine.

The only thing that stresses me is,
when do we tell them they’re adopted?

I’ll just lay it all off on my
partner. Who’d I get?

Well. There was an uneven number of
kids – and you didn’t show, so…

I’m a single mother?
No man of her own…

At least you’re not paired with
Gordon the pig boy.

What does this say about me? That
I’m doomed to live my mother’s life?
How deeply scary is that?

How about this – it says nothing. It
means nothing. This whole egg
experiment is completely pointless–
GILES emerges from the stacks – dusty volume in hand, natch.

Success at last. Your new playmate
is a fellow of some repute, it seems.

He puts the book down — almost on Buffy’s egg. She snatches it to safety at the last second, looks at
the book.

An old photograph of LYLE, the cowboy vamp, and another guy in western garb. The other fellow is a
big, lumbering sort.

Lyle Gorch. The other one is his
brother Tector. They’re from
Abeline. Made their reputation
massacring a Mexican village in 1886.

Friendly little demons…

No, that was before they became vampires.

(off their looks)

The good news is, they’re not among
the great thinkers of our time. I
doubt they’re up to much; They were
probably just drawn here by the
hellmouth’s energy.

Enough said. I propose that Buffy
slays them. All in favor?
(raises her hand)

Great. Now I have to worry about
Butch and Sundance while I’m taking
care of junior here.

You might need some help with those
two, they are pretty —
(stops, puzzled)
Why do you all have eggs?
Hey. Maybe Angel could help
you find the Gorches.

Good idea. You really ought to
strengthen your numbers when you go
up against these two.

Oh right. I see a lot of “hunting”
getting done in that scenario. Angel
and Buffy. Alone. Late at night.

(to Xander)

Please. Like Angel and I are just
helpless slaves to passion. Grow up.

Buffy and ANGEL are leaning against a tree. Kissing madly. It’s pretty hot. Finally, Buffy breaks away.

We should–

I know–

They start to kiss again. Then–


Yeah, this really isn’t “hunting” in
the classical sense. We should get to work.

You’re right. Okay.

Angel tries to pull it together, as does Buffy. They move away from the tree, walk a bit.

You see anything?
Okay. Enough hunting.

She jumps him. They fall together again, laughing.
Who are hidden behind a large tomb. Watching Buffy and Angel neck.
As in the picture, Lyle’s older brother, TECTOR, is a large, graceless guy. He’s not the sharpest tool in
the shed – but what he lacks in brains he makes up for in sheer, brutish power. Like Lyle, he speaks
with a Texas drawl.

That’s the Slayer?

And ain’t that Angelus with her?


Well, then, how come she’s not
slaying and how come he’s–


I don’t know, Tector. How come you
always have to ask so many damn questions?

So that’s Angelus. The Angelus.


You gonna take him, or you
want me to, Lyle?

I say we leave it. Get her when
she’s alone.
Why? You scared?


‘Course not. I could whip both of
em’ right now.
So why don’t you?

Listen. I got a plan. You leave the
thinking to me, remember? Don’t I
always take care of you?

Lyle starts to move off and Tector follows. As they disappear into the darkness–

I know, Lyle. You do the thinking.
That’s your department.

So tell me again why we can’t kill am now?


Buffy, dressed for sleep, enters with her egg in a makeshift “bed” – a little basket that in lined with
dish towels. She sets him down on her windowsill – arranges his covers.

Alrighty then egg dude–

She checks her “egg log” – a written diary (in the small composition notebook) of the egg’s daily


Feeding. Check. Burping. Check.
Diapers. Check.
(adjusts the towel around the egg)
Sort of. In theory.
(to egg)
Okay, kid. Sweet dreams.
She gives him a nice pat. Goes to her bed and climbs in. Lights out.


We move toward the house. Ominously. Something wicked this way comes.
Buffy is now sound asleep. We move across her still form to the WINDOW. Is there movement there,
or is it just a shadow?
Then, suddenly, a chip of shell spontaneously BREAKS from Buffy’s egg. And a single, hairy TENDRIL
emerges from the crack.
The tendril silently snakes across the windowsill, clearly heading for BUFFY.


Act Two

Back to the tendril. Now it’s made it’s way over to Buffy’s bed. It slides up the covers, over her legs
and chest, winding it’s way up to her FACE.
When it arrives, the tendril FLATTENS AND WIDENS, covering her face like a black mask. Then it
starts to PULSE, gently, persistently.
Moving from the tendril to the egg – we see that the egg itself has started to GLOW, ever so faintly.

as it is thrown to the floor.


I’m tired of rat. I want something

good to eat.

They are huddled against the wall. Early morning rays shine through a grate at the other end of the


We’ll get you the good stuff. Just
gotta be patient.

Why can’t we stay in a nice place?
A motel or something, with an ice machine.


Gotta keep a low profile till we’ve
taken care of this Slayer.

How come Angelus is gettin’ all
snuggly with her? Does the man
have no code?

Are you gonna pester me with
questions all the damn day?

I just don’t like it here. I’m cold,
and I’m bored and there ain’t a
decent whore in the whole city limits.


Well, this is the thanks I get.
Don’t I always look after you?
Didn’t I near raise you myself?
Burden that you were, I shoulda left
you on a doorstep when mama blew town.

Oh, don’t say that…

Now, I’m taking care of this. We’ll
hit the Slayer when she’s down, when
she ain’t looking. Then this town is ours.

Are you afraid of her?

Playing it safe, is all. We’ll
follow her some more. Find our time.

This ain’t over.
(schoolyard taunt)
You’re afraid of the Slayer…


You want me to sit your ass down in

that sunlight?
Think you can?
Come on!

They start rasslin’, just like brothers.


Is that all you got? Is that all you got…?

The sun now bathes the room in light, washing away all signs of ultra creepy weirdness.
The egg looks COMPLETELY NORMAL again, except for the fact that it seems too big for its bowl
Buffy’s ALARM goes off and she wakes painfully, barely able to raise a weak arm to turn the thing off.
She sits on the edge of her bed, feeling horrible.
Oh, God…

She gets up and goes to the egg. Sees that it appears to be larger today, but shrugs it off. Picks it up
in its little basket.
Buffy comes into the kitchen, dragging. She’s dressed for school and carries her egg in its little
basket. Her mother is pouring herself coffee — Buffy takes the cup and sips it, makes a face.


At least eat something if you’re
going to drink that.
Not that hungry.
How goes the parenting?

You sure your egg is secure in there?


Did I ask for backseat mommying?


Sorry. Are we a little touchy this morning?

I just feel all funky.

Joyce feels her forehead.


You don’t have a temperature.


It’s not that – I just didn’t sleep well.


What’s the matter – did your egg keep

you up all night?
You’re killing me.
She picks up a muffin and her egg came as she heads out.
Parenting is a pain.
Wait till it starts dating.

Where the egg case was, there in a bit of blue goo.
Giles is re-shelving some books when Buffy, Xander and Willow enter.


Why are you three about? Don’t you

have class?
Teen health got canceled.

Mr. Whitmore’s out today – couldn’t
get an egg-sitter or something.

Both Willow and Buffy are obviously out of it. They sit heavily. Buffy lays her head on the table.


Well, then could you give me a hand?


Xander, however, goes up the steps to Giles, starts helping.


How did the hunt go last night, Buffy?

No go.

You didn’t go, or you were unsuccessful?

No Gorches.

Apparently, Buffy has decided that
the problem with the English language
is all those pesky words.
(to Buffy)
You. Angel. Big. Smoochies?

Shut. Up.

It’s true. You and Willow do appear
to be awfully sluggish. Are you
quite sure you’re alright?

Maybe it was something we ate…


Or perhaps it’s the burden of
parenthood. Notice how seriously
both of you have taken this egg
thing – while I, in turn, chose a
more balanced approach–

He produces his egg from a jacket pocket. Starts tossing it in the air and catching it as he talks.
Willow is watching his egg – nervous.


Xander. Maybe you shouldn’t–


See? That’s just what I’m talking
about. You can’t stress over every
little thing. A child picks up on
that – which is a one-way ticket to

neurotic city–
This time he misses the catch. Willow, Buffy and Giles GASP.
SLO MO – as it falls to the carpet. But instead of breaking – it BOUNCES. Rolls to a stop.

It didn’t break!
Why didn’t it break?

Xander scoops the egg up.

That’s the other secret to
conscientious egg-care. A pot of
scalding water and about eight minutes.

You BOILED your young?
I know it sounds harsh. But

sometimes you have to be harsh to be
kind. You can bet little Xander here
in thick-skinned now–
We see AN EGG hidden among the books. Giles doesn’t notice it.


Technically, that would be called
cheating, yes?

No! It’s just like taking a shortcut,
you know, if you’re running a race.


That would also be cheating.
You should be ashamed.

I suppose there is a sort of
machiavellian ingenuity to your
I resent that!… Or, possibly,
thank you…
Bit of both would suit.

Cordelia enters, walks up to the table.


Figures, you three are all hanging in
the dungeon while something major is
going on at Sunnydale High.

And what would that be, Cordelia?
Barrette appreciation day?

Mr. Whitmore didn’t show today.

That news is of the past.

He can’t be reached. He’s missing.
And presumed dead.
Presumed by whom?
Well, me.

I think we might wait a few hours
before we give up on him completely.


Well I think we should look around.
Don’t you, Xander?

She gives him a pointed look, revealing her ulterior motive — but not to him.

It can wait.
You’re awfully gung-ho.
(to Xander)

Well, his body could fall out of a
closet somewhere. We should check
every closet to see if he’s in a closet.

Xander gets it.

Of course. There could be a
closet… Let’s go.

He heads down, the two of them heading out as he instructs the others:


You guys look for other clues.
We’ll meet back here.
(no intention of stirring)
We’ll get right on that.
(watches them leave)
Are they getting weirder? Have you
noticed the weirdness of them?


I don’t know. Should we be having
guilt about not looking for Mr. Whitmore?


I think you can hold off on that.
I’d prefer you save your strength for
hunting the Gorches.

Yeah, I’ll be fine by tonight. Maybe
sweep the cemetery.

Be careful. If you’re still feeling

sluggish —
No worries.

And you’ve got Angel helping you, right?


Yeah, he, uh… does what he can.


Angel and Buffy are leaning against a tomb this time. Major league necking. Finally, they come up for


As much as I hate to say this – we
should go kill bad guys.

It’s late. You should get home.

What about the Gorches?
I’ll hunt.
Really? You’d do that?

It’s not like I have an early day tomorrow.


True. And I still have to go home
and fill out my egg diary.
Your – what?

I told you. That faux parenting gig
I’m doing in school.

Like I’m really planning to have kids
any time soon. Someday, when I’m
done having a life maybe. A kid
would be too much to deal with now.

I wouldn’t know.
I don’t… Well, you know, I can’t.

This sinks in.

Well, it’s totally okay. I figured
there are all kinds of things
vampires can’t do like, you know,
work for the telephone company,
volunteer for the red cross. Have
little vampires…

So you don’t think about the future.



How can you say that? You’re not
like me. You could have a normal life.

(off her look)
You know what I mean. Less not
normal. You really don’t care what
happens a year from now? Five years

from now — ?
I – I can’t care.
(with difficulty)
Angel. when I try to look into the
future, all I can see… is you–

Angel shakes his head.


And I don’t have a choice. Don’t you
know that? If I could do the logic
thing, you think I would even be here?


All I can see is you… All I want is you.

A beat. Finally – Angel node. Giving into it.

I know the feeling.

He draws her back into his arms. They kiss tenderly, passionately. Tomorrow entirely forgotten.
The NIGHTWATCHMAN walks down the hall, checking doors. He finds the door to the BOILER ROOM
ajar. Goes in.
He comes in, tries the light. It doesn’t work. He goes slowly down the steps, shining his flash light
There is a noise from the back of the room. He heads that way, still slow and careful. He reaches the
corner and finds:
Dug in the wall. A pool of darkness that the guard moves slowly toward, brows furrowed. He moves
closer. Sticks his head in.
Mr. Whitmore steps up behind him and given him a violent SHOVE into the hole. We hear the guard
tumble, screaming, then hit the ground hard.
Whitmore is dirty, sweaty — and completely expressionless. Picking up a pick axe, he steps into the

We see the egg in f.g. on Buffy’s night table next to her bed. it moves slightly, accompanied by a tiny
CLICKING sound, then stops. RACK TO F.G. as Buffy climbs in her window.
Buffy moves towards us, perhaps a little dreamy still from her “hunt” with Angel.
CLOSER – Buffy, hearing the CLICKING sound. She looks around, then she looks down.
The egg is large in frame, moving slightly as Buffy leans in, curious, her face getting closer and
closer to the egg.
Still. Then jiggling a little. Then still.
BUFFY – moves even closer
THE EGG (Buffy is not in this shot) – explodes! (Special effects.)
BUFFY – leaps back, horrified.
C.G.I. SHOT — a horrible and slimy creature bursts out of the shells. And leaps at camera.
BUFFY DUCKS — the creature just misses her — Buffy spins in time to see:
ANGLE THE FLOOR — (Puppeteer shot) The creature skitters across the floor going in front of the
bed. From Buffy’s POV it could very well have gone underneath it.
BUFFY – Never taking her eyes off the bed, she backs to a shelf, picks up a large book to squash the
creature with. Creeps back towards the bed, kneels down. Carefully picks up the dust ruffle.
REVERSE ANGLE – The dust ruffle is pulled back, revealing Buffy’s face. She looks past camera
carefully, creepily. Nothing.
BUFFY – slowly gets up, looks around. She turns slowly around. No creature… she keeps turning,
eying every corner of the room. Still no creature… until it falls on her from above. Hitting her neck,
trying to scuttle down the back of her blouse.
Buffy drops the book, grabs the creature with both hands, struggling with it, flings if off her.
ANGLE – FLOOR NEAR VANITY – (Puppeteer shot) – The creature skitters under the vanity.
Buffy hears more skittering.
Buffy’s POV – moving from the vanity towards the bookshelves.
Buffy hurls open a vanity drawer, grabs a SHARP LETTER OPENER, stalks towards the shelves. HEARS
POV – WHIP PAN from the shelves to behind Buffy’s bedside table where the cracked egg shells
reside. Buffy moves closer and closer to the end table, letter opener ready to stab.
ANGLE – BUFFY – Moving towards camera. Behind her on the wall, slightly out of focus (puppeteer
shot) we see the creature moving up the wall.
Buffy looks down at the end table as the creature moves just a little higher on the wall right behind
her. The sound so soft only a Slayer might hear it. She cocks her head slightly, still looking towards
us and — without turning — whips her hand back and nails the sucker right in the middle of its horrid
body. Then she pulls letter opener and creature out of the wall and slams it on the ground, stabbing
it again. Blue goo dribbles out of the creature and it lies still.

Buffy, shook, stares down at the creature, then leans over and grabs the chord to her phone, pulling
phone off night stand and onto the floor. She dials hurriedly.

Come on, pick up.


Willow, awake, answers her phone.

Willow. Are you okay?
Why shouldn’t I be?

Your egg. Is it doing anything?

Doing what?

Break it. Right now. Smash it with
something heavy.
Buffy, what–

My egg just went postal on me. It
hatched – some kind of crawly monster

thing jumped on me-

Are you okay?
Yeah, but your egg–

It’s totally normal. I put it in the fridge.


Maybe it was a trap. Something the
Gorch brothers planted for you.

(pulls it together)
Okay. I’m sorry to wake you.
Get back to sleep.
You sure?
Yeah. I’m better. I’m fine.


Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Willow hangs up and we WIDEN to see her sitting at her desk, looking straight ahead. Strangely
Her EGG is right next to her. CONSPICUOUSLY HATCHED.


Act Three

It’s 2:42 AM.
Who is hanging-up from her call with Willow.

Buffy, who are you talking to at this…

Buffy hurriedly drapes a shirt over the creature as her mother stops, staring at her.


Why are you dressed? Where exactly
do you think you’re going at three
o’clock in the morning?
Nowhere —

Who was that on the phone?


It was Willow… I just called ’cause
she wasn’t feeling well and I was worried.


You’re gonna have to do better than
that, young lady.
I… had a bad dream…

No, you’re about to have a bad dream.
A dream that you’re grounded for the
rest of your natural life —

Joyce’s tirade carries into:
Buffy looks fried. She’s in total lecture overload.

…which means no after-school

socializing. No Bronze. No nothing,
not until I give you the say so. Do
you understand?
Yes. But–

Yes or no. That’s all I want
to hear from you.

Joyce pull’s up in front of school.


Now. School ends at 2:30. I want
you to go to the library at 2:33 and
study until I pick you up there at
5:30. Understood?
Good. Have a nice day.

Buffy climbs out of the car. Mom takes off.
All the kids are arriving for the day.
Buffy sees CORDELIA and moves to her. Cordy, going with the “sweet but naughty” schoolgirl look,

Nice bear. Listen, is your —

I’ll have you know my father brought
this back for me from Gstaad years
ago. Then all of a sudden these
trendoids everywhere are sporting
them. So I’ve been totally not
wearing it. But then I was – “Hey!
I started this whole nation-wide
craze. What am I ashamed of?”


Okay, soliloquy girl… I just
wanted to know about your egg.

My egg?

You know the egg that Mr. Whitmore

gave to you?

I’ve got it in my bear. I’m going to
ace this experiment. No sweat. You
think keeping an egg intact for a
week is effortful? Try not breaking
a silk-wrapped nail.


And your egg isn’t acting…
odd or anything?
Cordy looks at her like this is the dumbest thing she’s ever heard.

It’s not “acting” anything. It’s an
egg, Buffy. It doesn’t emote.

She scoffs. They continue walking toward school.
Who sits on one of the benches at the top of the stairs. He pulls a cheesy-looking BREAKFAST BAR
from his school bag and unwraps it. It looks dry, unappetizing. He takes a bite.

Ummmm. Card-boardy.

He tosses it. Considers something. Then he reaches into his pack – pulls out his egg.

(to egg)

Sorry, Junior. A man’s gotta eat.

He cracks the egg on the bench. Rolls it.
Who joins Buffy and Cordy. Cordy is yakking with one of the Cordettes – not paying Willow and Buffy
any mind.


Sorry about calling you so late last night.

That’s okay. I was awake.
What were you doing up?
Just couldn’t sleep, I guess.


So, was there any more “hatchling”
activity last night?

No.I think you may be right. My
egg may have been some kind of booby
trap the vamps laid for me. So far,
it seems like everybody else’s are normal.


You didn’t bring the “thing” that
attacked you, did you?

Yeah. I called Giles and he’s in
research mode. Wants to see it.

They move toward the front steps of the school.

Well, take it to the science lab.

I’ll get Giles and we can analyze it.


Great. I always say – a day without
an autopsy is like a day without


As they walk off we MOVE CLOSE to Willow’s BACK and see an odd lump under her clothes, Two
tentacles extend from under her shirt and FUSE into her body at the base of her spinal cord.
who is about to bite into his hard-boiled egg.
It’s a HORRIBLE, DEFORMED hard-boiled MONSTER. One bloodshot EYE stares up at him.
As he takes in this gruesome sight.
Who all react to XANDER’S (O.C.) SCREAM.
The “thing” that hatched in Buffy’s room and the egg that Xander almost bit into. Both are laid out in
dissection trays.
Who stare down at the things with varying levels of disgust.
Can I just say–
(he shudders)

I see your uhhhhhhhhhhh and raise

You a gnyeh.
What is it?

We don’t know what it is, Cordelia.
That’s why we’re here. Capiche?


Capiche? Like you’re Mr. World Traveler.

Willow enters, joins them.


Where’s Giles? I know he’d hate to

miss this.

He said we should get started and
he’d be by as soon as possible.

Xander hands Buffy a small scalpel.

So. Okay. Get started Buffy.
Dissect it or something.
Dissect it? Why me?
You’re the Slayer.

I slayed! My work here in done.

She hands the scalpel back to Xander.


Oh no. I almost ate one of these
things. I’ve fulfilled my gross-out
quota for the decade.

She takes the scalpel. Cuts. Some BLUE GOOP SPURTS. Buffy, Xander and Cordy all react.


Do we have any idea what to look for?
I mean, how are we supposed to figure
out what this thing is?

Turn it over. Maybe we missed its

I.D. bracelet.

Unbeknownst to all, the BEAR undulates slightly. Little cub paws and legs writhing.
One of the teddy bear’s EYES starts to push out from its socket. It gives and POPS off. As does the


So now I guess we know what happened

to Mr. Whitmore.

He saw one of these things and ran away?

Try – best case scenario.

It’s possible that Mr. Whitmore
wasn’t harmed. Maybe the offspring
simply used him to return to the
mother Bezoar.
Yeah. Maybe he–

(then/to willow)
What’s a Bezo–

But before Buffy can finish asking the question, CORDELIA BLIND SIDES her with a lead pipe.


She drops.

Cordy! What–

He turns just in time to see an expressionless WILLOW, about to bring a heavy microscope down on
his head.
Buffy and Xander are dragged in by their friends, who leave and shut the door.

Willow and Cordelia lock the door. The both have the same distant stares. The same “zombie” body-

Without a word, they start down the hall, joining other students and teachers who are similarly
We see the now familiar tentacles boring into his back at the base of his spine.
The door opens and Willow enters, grabs an axe. Cordy and others follow, grabbing picks, hoes —
any thing you can dig with.
They head for the door.
They go down the stairs and into the room. They file into the hole and disappear. Whitmore stands by
the hole, even dirtier than before, watching them enter.
To establish.
Joyce enters the library. It appears to be empty.
Buffy? Hello?

Giles emerges from his office.



Mr. Giles, hello. I was looking for
Buffy. She was supposed to wait for me here.


She’s not been in. I was waiting to
talk to her about history texts.


Well, that is just the last straw.


I’m sure she didn’t mean to —


She never means to, but somehow she
always manages to anyway. Do you
have children, Mr. Giles?
(sudden cringe)
Should I be whispering?

No, and no I haven’t any children.
Although sometimes I feel as though
I do. Working here.

They can be such a — I don’t want to
say burden, but… actually, I kind
of do want to say burden.
Feel free.
Burden. Thank you.
They’re just so irresponsible.


She notices a couple of books on the counter.
“Bristow’s Demon Index”?
“Hell’s Offspring”?

Hobby of mine. But not having to do
with Buffy in any way.

He takes the book and goes back behind the counter, dropping them in a book cart. He appears
perplexed, coming back to Joyce, the counter between them now.


Buffy told you she’d be here?
All afternoon?

Well, yes… is something wrong?

I’m sure it’s nothing…

There is a BANG from the hallway — a door slammed open, probably. Giles’ fur is suddenly up.

What was that?
(turning to the door)
Probably the janitor…

Giles puts a creature on the back of her neck. She screams, falls as it scrambles down under her
Void of feeling. Watching the thing attack her.


Act Four

A couple of zombified students walk past the library. After a few beats the doors open and Giles and
Joyce walk into the hall, heading down in the same direction.
Buffy sits up, feeling her head where she was hit. She sees Xander lying beside her, touches his

He stirs, groaning. Stays on his back, looking up in a slight daze.

Are you okay?

Man, the last time Cordy dragged me
in here was a lot nicer…

Uh, nothing. Crazy talk. Head trauma.

(feels her head)
Yeah, I’m gonna have a bump…

(feeling his)

I’m gonna have a peninsula here.
What the hell is going on? Cordy,
and Willow…

Something to do with our hatchlings,

I’m sure of that.
She tries the door. It’s locked. Xander sits up, moving slowly.

What are they, possessed?

I don’t know. They sure wanted us
out of the way.

Why not kill us? Why drag us in

here — oh.

As he says it looks to the side — and the camera arms down to reveal two eggs sitting on a crate. As
they come into view, one of them jiggles, making that clicking sound.

(small voice)
Bad now.

Buffy sees ’em too. Grabs a heavy tool chest and slams it down on top of them. BLUE GOO OOZES
out from under the chest.

You’re scrambled.

He gets up as Buffy moves back to the door.

See, we make a great team.
You kill, I pun.

Buffy rears back and KICKS the door open.
Buffy and Xander enter at a decent clip.


Giles! He must be out somewhere.


He picked a hell of a time to get a life.

What do we do?

We can’t fight these things unless we
know something about them.


Willow said something… a name…

what was it?
A Bozo! Not a bozo.

Yes! Great. Okay, so, we look it up.

In what?
A book?

She crosses to the table, Xander following.


Giles said he was gonna try to find something.

Buffy looks at a couple of books open on Giles’ desk.

Okay, I’d say he found something.

is open to a picture of an egg creature.
Xander steps up to look and we hear something crunch under his foot.


I’d say something found him.

He points to:
Buffy looks at it grimly.
Joyce and Giles walk calmly into the boiler room, a couple of students a ways ahead. They proceed
into the hole.
They come down into a vast (TV-wise), dark tunnel junction. Tunnels go off in different directions,
abandoned and partially caved in. The walls are brick and concrete. The floor is a rocky pit, in the
process of being dug even deeper by the twenty or so people inside. They use picks, rakes, shovels –

  • everything they can find. Among the diggers are Willow and Mr. Whitmore.
    is with the security guard and a few others. They are pulling eggs out of a sort of gooey web in the
    corner of the pit, putting them in crates.
    Buffy is reading, talking.


A pre-prehistoric parasite… the
mother hibernates underground, laying
eggs. Offspring attach themselves to
a host, taking control of their motor
functions through neural clamping.


Neural clamping? That sounds skippable.


So our people are taking orders from
the mama Bezoar. Which begs the question —

What does mommy want?

There is a SCREAM from outside.

Ahhh! Get it off me! Get it off!

The two rush out into the hall, run to the nearby stairs.
JOHNATHAN on the staircase. As Buffy and Xander approach, he gets up, suddenly calm.

Are you all right?
Yes, I’m fine. I slipped.
He moves past them, smiling blandly. Walks down the hall.

I think I hear mommy calling…

Xander nods. They follow, at a discreet distance.
They enter, still making with the calm. Johnathan disappears down the hole. They pause.


Do we really wanna go in there?

We really don’t.

They follow.
They come out to see the digging. They stay in the tunnel entrance, in the shadows. They whisper:

What are they digging up?

Buffy looks closely, seen:
As two Zombies haul off a broken chunk of rock, widening the small hole the diggers have made. Just
within the hole we can see a piece of the MOTHER BEZOAR, a slimy expanse of back that moves and
breathes below the cave.

Oh, boy…
Xander looks around further, nudges Buffy. Points.
As she takes a crate load of eggs and heads down a dark tunnel.


We can’t let them spread those things.


I know. I’ll handle it. Can you

hold the fort? Better yet — can you

kill the fort?
I’ll try.

Xander moves off after Cordy, becoming very calm and deliberate in his movements as he skirts past
the others. He disappears into the tunnel.
Buffy watches him go, takes another look at the dig.

I’m gonna need a weapon. I’m gonna
need a big weapon.

She heads back towards:
She emerges from the tunnel and walks straight into the Gorches. They leer at her. She takes a step

Told you it wasn’t over.
She’s so cute and little.
(turns to Lyle)
Can we keep her?

Guys, this is not a great time.

It’s gonna be.

They both rush her — which she expects. She parries, sends Tector flying back on his ass. Lyle hurls
himself at her and they both go flying into the hole —
and into the cave, rolling right into the midst of the zombie throng.
They land a bit apart. Lyle stands, bewildered.
What the hell is this?

Buffy stands — and finds herself face to face with her mother. Willow looks up from her digging —

Kill them.
Mom swings a pickaxe at Buffy — who blocks it, backing off.
Lyle fends off others, also backing up. He and Buffy end up back to back, fending off all and sundry.

What’s going on?
Long story!

She pushes away a teacher as Lyle knocks someone out. In a moment of brief respite they turn to
each other — and start trading blows.
The more zombies attack and they get back to business.
Cordy walks along, one other zombie trailing a bit behind. He stops, listening. Turns back.
Xander grabs his head and SLAMS it into the brick wall of the tunnel. The guy is out.
Cordy places her eggs on the floor and comes at Xander. He weaves away from a punch —


Cordelia, I don’t want to hurt you…
some of the time…

He makes for the eggs and she gets in a glancing blow to the head. He doubles over in major pain.

Ow! That’s my bump!

He uppercuts her into unconsciousness — remorse following hard on the swing.

Tector emerges from the hole, furious.

Where is that sorry-ass girl?

He stops, looking at the tableau of digging and fighting. Buffy and Lyle have reached high ground, at
the entrance of a caved-in tunnel, and the zombies are just eyeing them, focussing on containment.
Before he has time to register all this, someone comes up next to him. It’s Giles.
Giles hits him in the back of the head with the flat end of an axe. He goes flying, landing on his belly
with his face right over the hole. The Bezoar moving right below his face.

What is that….?

An eye opens right below him.
A tentacle shoots out and wraps around his head. He is pulled into the hole before he has time to
Stop to look — horror on Lyle’s face — and listen, as somewhere down below, Tector finally finds the
moment to scream.

Tector! TECTOR!

The scream finally dies, replaced by chomping sounds. Lyle turns on Buffy.

This is all your fault!

But he grabs her and throws her down toward the hole. She lands hard.
Tentacle comes up and wraps around her feet. She looks down at her feet — then up at her mother,
who swings the pickaxe down at her face!
Buffy rolls as the axe is buried in the ground next to her head. She grabs hold of it — and the
tentacle yanks her toward the hole. Buffy strains to hold onto the axe – but it pulls free from the rock
and Buffy falls into the hole holding it.
For a moment we hear nothing.
Then we hear a grunt of effort and the very definite SQUISH of an axe going into flesh. Then a
SCREAM no human could make.
listening to the fight– the axe going in again and again.
stand and listen as well. A final dying scream and we see:
As the creature on it dies and slumps to the ground.
Willow blinks, dazed, then sinks to ground in a dead faint. Lyle watches as everyone else does the
same. For a sec nothing is moving in here.
A hand — another — and Buffy pulls herself out of the hole. She is covered in blue gunk. And looks
about as deadly pissed about that fact as a human can be.
Lyle stares back at her for all of three seconds before he runs away, calling out behind him:

Okay, it’s over now…

And he’s gone.
Xander and Giles are helping people out of the building. Giles is still a little groggy.


Yes, it was a gas leak, just get some
air and you’ll all be fine…
(to Xander)
What really happened?

Go with Gas leak. I’ll fill you in later.

He crosses to Willow and Cordelia.

How’re you guys doing?
Did I really hit you?
Knocked me out.

Did I hit you?.
Yes, everybody hit me.

Oh, good. I mean, not good that I
hit you, but… I didn’t want to
be left out.

Buffy walks by, freshly scrubbed and in gym clothes. Passing Xander, she asks:

Is she all right?
Fine. Little confused.
It’s going around.
Buffy proceeds to the object of their discussion — Joyce.

Hey, mom, are you doing okay?


Buffy! I was worried you might have
gotten caught in the building. There

was a gas leak.

I just heard. I was working out.
In the gym.

I went looking for you in the library.


Oh, yeah, well, I was gonna be there but —


I thought I made it pretty clear you
weren’t to leave the library till I arrived.


True, but the other side of that is —


I’m not really interested in the
other side right now. You have got
to learn some responsibility, young
lady. Once and for all.
I’m grounded?
You’re already grounded.
Oh yeah.

Until further notice, you’re confined
to your room. You will not leave your
room at any time except to go to

school or the bathroom. Your meals
will be brought to you — and they
will not be very good. Am I making

myself clear?

You’re clear. I’ll stay in my room.

Damn right you will.

Buffy and Angel are in midsmootch, much heat between them. After a suitable time they stop, Angel


You sure you’re not gonna get in trouble?


Hey, I earned this. Besides, I’m not
breaking any rules.

She kisses him again, and we hear:

Buffy, are you going to bed?

The CAMERA pulls back to reveal that BUFFY IS IN HER ROOM — and Angel is on the roof outside her
window, where they kiss.

In a minute, mom…

They get back to it.





In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
Sunnydale Mall. The low camera angle shows the legs of the people
walking past the shops on the ground floor. The camera pans up past a
cowboy and his girlfriend to the second floor and over the railing where
Buffy and her mother are walking along. Joyce has a shopping bag in each
hand, and Buffy has on a small backpack.
Buffy: Come on, Mom, please?
Joyce: I’m sorry, honey.
Buffy: Don’t you understand how important this is?
Joyce: It’s an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy.
Buffy: But I looked good in it.
Joyce: You looked like a streetwalker.
Buffy: But a thin streetwalker. (gets a look from her mom) That’s
probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?
Joyce: You’re just too young to wear that.
Buffy: Yeah, and I’m gonna be too young to wear it until I’m too old to
wear it.
Joyce: That’s the idea. (stops and looks around) The stores are
closing, and I still need to order the flyers for the opening.
(considers, then puts both bags in one hand) Okay. I’ll go to the
printers and then get our food, (pulls out a slip of paper) you go to
the tailor and pick up my outfit from Everyday Woman. (hands Buffy the
slip of paper)
Buffy: (looks at the paper) Everyday Woman?

Joyce: Mm-hm. There’s the receipt.
Buffy: Why didn’t you just go to Muu-Muus R Us?
Joyce: Do now, make fun of your mother later. (walks off)
Buffy reluctantly starts for the tailors.
Cut to the escalators. Buffy gets on to go to the ground floor. She
looks around idly as she descends. She sees the cowboy and his
girlfriend come up the other escalator. She keeps looking around, and
then notices that the cowboy’s reflection is missing from the mirrors
that line the escalator corridor. She looks back at the couple, and he
is indeed there. Immediately she turns and runs back up the escalator,
weaving between the people coming down on it behind her.
Cut to the walkway. The cowboy and the girl go around a corner. Buffy
walks quickly to catch up. Cut to a back hallway. Buffy slowly walks
past a bank of payphones by the restrooms and looks around for them,
apparently having lost them. She continues down the hall and hears a
pinball machine. Reaching the rear door of the arcade she sees that the
metal gate has been bent and forced open. She quietly squeezes by the
gate and goes in. The place is deserted and quiet except for the sound
of the one machine. She walks around one side of a bank of game machines
while the camera pans along the other.
Lyle: Turn around, baby, I have somethin’ to show ya.
Girl: Wait a sec. This is my high score.
The camera reaches them. The girl is hammering away at the flipper
controls. The cowboy takes off his hat and comes up behind the girl. He
takes her hair and sweeps it away from her neck. He’s vamped out.
Lyle: Well, ain’t you just got the prettiest little neck I ever did
He moves in for the bite, but is interrupted by Buffy.
Buffy: Boy, you guys really never come up with any new lines, do you?
The two of them look over at Buffy, annoyed.
Girl: Do you mind? We were talking here.
Buffy: (stares down the vampire) But you promised you’d never cheat on
me again, honey.
Girl: (pulls her bag onto her arm) Um, I better go.
Lyle: But I ain’t done yet.
She turns to look at him and gasps in fear when she sees his face. She
runs from the arcade. The vampire looks back at Buffy.
Lyle: Alright, sugar lips. (puts on his hat and faces off with her)
He throws a punch at Buffy, but she blocks it and punches him in the
face and the crotch. He grabs his groin, and Buffy shoves him into
another pinball machine. He looks up at her and gives her an evil smile.
Lyle: Well, you’re a rough one, ain’t cha! I like that!
He comes at her again with a swing, which she readily blocks it. He
swings again, and she ducks the blow. He grabs her by the arms and
throws her into a pinball machine. The plate glass on the top and back
panel shatter as she lands on it hard. The cowboy rushes over and grabs
her by the straps of her backpack.

Lyle: You must be that Slayer I’ve been hearin’ so much about. Lyle
Gorch. Pleased to meet cha!
Buffy gets her leg between them and kicks him off of her. He staggers
into another machine.
Buffy: Pleasure’s mine!
She leaps off of the machine at him, and he ducks and rolls out of the
way. She spins around to face him and has a stake in her hand, up and
ready. Lyle rolls up to his feet, grabbing his hat in midair along the
way, and puts it back on. He points at her.
Lyle: This ain’t over!
He spins around and hightails it out of there.
Buffy: Oh, sure. They say they’ll call.
Cut to the food court. Buffy comes walking in and spots her mom at a
table with their food, waiting for her. Joyce stares at the food,
looking bored and watching it get cold. She looks up as Buffy arrives.
Buffy: Oh, bliss. (sits) Mall food. (looks up)
Joyce: Buffy?
Buffy: (attentive) Mom?
Joyce: Where’s my dress?
Buffy: (confused) Your dr…? Oh. (winces) Oh, God.
Joyce: Let me guess: you were distracted by a boy.
Buffy: (cringes) Technically.
Joyce: (leans back) Buffy…
Buffy: (exhales) Look, I-I can go get it right now.
Joyce: They’re closed. I’ll just have to fit it in tomorrow.
Buffy: Sorry.
Joyce: (sternly) A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don’t
you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?
Buffy: Saving the world from vampires?
Joyce: (crosses her arms and shakes her head) I swear, sometimes I
don’t know what goes on in your head.
Buffy just looks back at her.
Opening credits roll. Buffy’s theme plays.
~~ Part 1 ~~
The utility closet at Sunnydale High. The light is off. Xander and
Cordelia are sucking some serious face.
Cordelia: Xander? (continues kissing)
Xander: Shhh-sh-sh. (continues kissing)
Cordelia: It’s just that (kiss) I’m worried we’re gonna miss class.
(continues kissing)

He reaches up for the light string and yanks it to turn it on. They step
back a bit from each other.
Xander: You know what? This would work a lot better for me if you
didn’t talk.
Cordelia: Well, it’d work a lot better for me with the lights off.
She grabs the string and yanks it. She puts her arms around him again
and starts to kiss him, but Xander doesn’t kiss back. He yanks the
string again and the light comes back on. They step away from each other
Xander: Are you saying that you can’t look at me when we do… whatever
it is we do?
Cordelia: No, it’s not that I can’t, it’s just more… I don’t want to.
Xander: That’s great! That’s just dandy! We’re repulsed by each other,
we, (indicates the door) we hide from our friends…
Cordelia: Well, I should hope so! Please!
Xander: (nods) All in all this is not what I’d call a big self-esteem
Cordelia: Tell me about it! (looks him over) Just look at you! And
those clothes. Where did you get those shoes?!
Xander: Okay, you know what? I don’t need this.
Cordelia: Ditto! Like a hole in the head!
They both reach for the doorknob, and their hands meet there. They
hesitate a moment, and then wrap their arms around each other again and
kiss even more passionately. Xander cradles her head in his hand as they
slowly sink to the floor. He reaches up for the string and gives it a
good yank.
Cut to teen health class. The instructor is writing ‘SEX’ on the board.
Mr. Whitmore: S-E-X. Sex. (faces the class) The sex drive in the human
animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours
plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?
Xander: Yes! (raises his hand and nods) Mm-hm.
Willow gives him a concerned look.
Mr. Whitmore: That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll.
Several students giggle. Xander lowers his hand.
Xander: Oh.
Cordelia looks away from him and stares down at her book.
Mr. Whitmore: Of course, for teenagers such as yourselves these
feelings are even more overwhelming. With all sorts of hormones
Willow is clearly nervous, and looks back and forth between Xander and
giving her attention to the teacher.
Mr. Whitmore: …through your bodies, compelling you to action, it’s
often difficult to remember that there are negative consequences to,
uh, having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?
Cordelia raises her hand, and Mr. Whitmore indicates to her, giving her
the floor.

Cordelia: Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex in the car or
out of the car? (Mr. Whitmore looks confused) Because I have a friend,
not me, that was in a Miata at, parked at the top of the hill, and then
she kicked the gearshift, and, and…
Mr. Whitmore: (interrupts) Yeah, I, I was thinking of something a
little more commonplace, Ms. Chase.
Xander raises his hand, and Mr. Whitmore indicates to him. Willow stares
at him.
Xander: You wanna talk negative consequence? What about the heartbreak
of halitosis? (Cordelia looks at him and he looks back) I mean, a girl
may seem spiffy, but if she ignores her flossing the bloom is definitely
off the rose.
Cordelia immediately raises her hand again. Mr. Whitmore exhales and
gives her permission to speak again.
Cordelia: Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the Hoover
technique is a big turn-on.
Willow looks back and forth between the two of them, very confused. The
exchange begins to draw muffled comments from among the other students.

Xander: What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chit-
chat just so you can get some touch?

Cordelia is incensed.
Mr. Whitmore: Now. Another consequence of sexual activity? Anyone?
Cordelia raises her hand again.
Mr. Whitmore: Uh, else?
Willow raises her hand. He indicates that she should speak.
Willow: How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?
Mr. Whitmore: Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg! (Willow smiles smugly) Among
teens unwanted pregnancy is the number one negative consequence of
sexual activity. So, as discussed last week, I present you with…
(takes a sheet off of two trays of eggs) …your offspring. (Willow
smiles) You will split into parenting teams. You and your partner will
share equally in the daily task of raising (indicates the trays) your
egg. (takes a tray to distribute) Now, please choose a partner and come
pick up your children.
Willow waves at Xander, but he ignores her and gets up to go over to
Cordelia. She sees him coming and immediately grabs the shirtsleeve of
the boy sitting across from her to get his attention.
Cordelia: You wanna have a baby?
Xander is disappointed. He sees another girl walk up to the second tray
of eggs still on the teacher’s desk and approaches her.
Xander: Hey. (chuckles) I know we just met, but isn’t that Xander Jr.
you’re holding?
The girl giggles and smiles and turns around to walk away. Xander gives
Cordelia another glance, then follows the other girl.
Cut to the library. Buffy walks over to the card catalog, pulls out a
drawer and begins going through the cards. Giles is in the cage behind
her. Xander opens the door for Willow and they come on.
Willow: Buffy! How come you weren’t in class?

Buffy: Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: I think the word you’re searching for is ‘absent’.
Willow: Tardy people show.
Buffy: Right.
Willow: And, yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this.
(hands her an egg)
Buffy: (rolls the egg around in her hands) As far as punishments go
this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it’s your baby! (smiles)
Buffy: (confused) Okay, I get it even less.
Xander: Well, you know, it’s the whole ‘sex leads to responsibility’
thing, which I personally don’t get. You gotta take care of the egg.
It’s a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: (looks at Xander) My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that Dreidel song.
Willow smiles at that.
Buffy: I can’t do this! I can’t take care of things! I killed my Giga
Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke.
She sets the egg down on top of the catalog, moans and quickly walks
over to a book re-shelving cart.
Willow: You’ll do fine!
Xander: Yeah, the only thing that stresses me is when do we tell them
that they’re adopted?
Buffy: I’ll just lay that one off on my partner. (looks up, worried)
Who’d I get?
Willow: Well, there were an uneven number of students, and you didn’t
show, so…
Buffy: (in shocked disbelief) I’m a single mother?
Xander: (nods) No man of her own.
Buffy: Do you know what this says about me? That I am doomed to lead my
mother’s life! (paces back to them) How deeply scary is that?
Xander: How ’bout this: it says nothing, it means nothing, this whole
egg experiment thing is completely pointless!
Giles: (in the cage) Success! (comes out with a book) At last. Your
playmate is a fellow of repute, it seems.
He moves to set the book on top of Buffy’s egg. She inhales in fright
and quickly snatches it away. Willow and Xander look on in wide-eyed
surprise. Giles points out a picture in the book.
Giles: That’s, um, Lyle Gorch, and that one’s his brother, Tector.
They’re from Abilene. They, uh, they made their reputation by massacring
an entire Mexican village in 1886. (takes off his glasses to clean them)
Buffy: Friendly little demons.
Giles: That was before they became vampires.

She raises her eyebrows at Giles. Willow and Xander exchange a look.
Giles: B-but, um, the good news is that they’re… not amongst the
great thinkers of our times. I doubt if they’re up to much. They’re
probably just drawn here by the, uh, Hellmouth’s energy. (puts his
glasses back on)
Xander: ‘Nuff said! I propose Buffy slays ’em. All in favor? (raises
his hand)
Willow: (raises her hand) Aye!
Giles: I-I don’t think you should underestimate them. I mean, y-you may
need to have some help if, if, if, if… (notices the eggs) Why do you
all have eggs?
Willow: (smiles) Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the
Giles: (still confused) Yes! Yes, yes, that’s not a bad idea. Strength
in numbers.
Xander: Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that
Buffy: Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion.
Grow up!
Cut to the park. Angel and Buffy are locked in a passionate kiss. Buffy
breaks off.
Buffy: I really…
Angel: I know.
They continue kissing. After a few seconds Buffy breaks off again.
Buffy: You know, this isn’t hunting in the classical sense. We
Angel: You’re right.
They kiss some more. A few moments later they break off again.
Angel: Okay.
Buffy: Okay. (kiss) Okay.
They walk side by side for a few paces.
Buffy: You see anything?
Angel: No.
Buffy: Okay. (faces him) Enough hunting.
They begin their passionate kissing with renewed vigor. The camera pans
away from them over to a wall among the trees. The Gorch brothers are
crouched on top, watching them.
Tector: That the Slayer?
Lyle: Yep.
Tector: Ain’t that Angelus with her?
Lyle: Yep.
Tector: Well, how come she ain’t slayin’? And how come he’s about to

make me blush?
Lyle: Well, I don’t know, Tector. And how come you’s always askin’ me
so many stupid questions?
Tector: So, you wanna take him, or, uh, you want me to, Lyle?
Lyle: I say we leave it. Wait till she’s alone.
Tector: Why? You scared?
Lyle: Nope. I could whip ’em both right now if I wanted to.
Tector: Then why don’t ya?
Lyle: (looks at Tector) ‘Cause I got me a plan. I’m the one that does
the thinkin’, ‘member?
Tector: Yeah. You do the thinkin’, Lyle. That is definitely your
department. So why don’t you tell me again why we can’t kill ’em now?
Fade to black. Cut to Buffy’s room. She walks in and over to her bed.
Buffy: Okay, little egg dude. (sits and opens her egg diary) Let’s see.
(reads) Feeding? Check. (marks) Burping? Eeeew… Check (marks) Diapers
(looks at the egg’s basket) Sort of, in theory, I guess. (marks)
She puts the pen in the binder coil.
Buffy: Okay.
She sets the notepad down and crawls under the covers. She yawns and
looks at her egg in its basket on her nightstand.
Buffy: Good night, Eggbert.
She taps her egg gently and then reaches up to turn off the light. She
pulls up the covers and settles in to sleep.
Cut outside the house later that night. Cut to Buffy’s room. The camera
pans across her stuffed animals arranged on one side of her bed, past
her and over to the egg. The clock reads 2:03am. The egg is rocking back
and forth. The camera closes in on it. A small hole has almost been
chipped out. The plug breaks open, and a long, thin tentacle begins to
make its way out. It angles over towards Buffy and branches out into
several fingers as it makes its way over to her.
~~ Part 2 ~~
Buffy’s room at night. The tentacle continues over to Buffy. One of its
fingers goes into her ear. Another one lays itself across her left eye.
A third one covers her right eye. Another goes around her neck and
presumably into her other ear. Cut to a view of her with the egg in the
foreground. The tentacles are now just lying on her face. The focus of
the camera goes off of Buffy and onto the egg in its basket.
Cut to the sewers the next morning. The Gorch brothers are relaxing and
waiting out the sunlight that is visible at the end of the tunnel.
Tector is having breakfast. Lyle is lying back with his feet up and has
his face covered with his hat.
Tector: I’m tired of rat. How come we can’t stay in a nice place? (puts
the dead rat down) A motel or somethin’? Maybe, uh… Maybe one with an
ice machine.
Lyle: ‘Cause we got to keep a low profile till we get this Slayer
business taken care of.
Tector: Well, how come Angelus is gettin’ all cuddly with her, Lyle? I
mean, does the man have no code?

Lyle: (stirs) Tector… (leans up on his elbow) You gonna be pesterin’
me with these questions all damn day?
Tector: I just don’t like it here. Ain’t a decent whore in the whole
city limits.
Lyle: So, this is the thanks I get? (stands up) Well. Don’t I take care
of ya? Didn’t I near raise ya myself? Hmm? Burden that you were, maybe I
shoulda left you on that doorstep when Momma blew town.
Tector: Don’t say that, Lyle.
Lyle: Now I’m takin’ care of this.
Tector: You afraid of the girl?
Lyle: I’m just playin’ it safe. We’re just gonna follow her around a
little while, find our time. ‘Cause this ain’t over.
Tector: (smiles to himself) I think you are afraid of the Slayer.
Lyle: (nods) Alright. I’m gonna beat you like a redheaded stepchild.
(points) Throw your ass out in that sunlight. C’mon.
Tector: You think you can?
Lyle: (goads him on) Giddy-up, son.
He adjusts his hat and coat while he waits for Tector to stand up.
Tector adjusts his hat, too, and smile at his brother. He rears back and
takes the first swing, hitting Lyle squarely in the jaw. Lyle looks at
his brother, nods and punches him hard in the face. Tector has to take a
couple of steps backward to keep from losing his balance.
Tector: (laughs) Oh, man!
He comes back and punches Lyle in the gut. Lyle doubles over for an
instant, then straightens up and gives Tector a wide smile.
Lyle: Yippe-ki-yay, matey!
He throws another punch at his brother.
Cut to Buffy’s room in the morning. The camera pans across her stuffed
animals to her face. The egg’s tentacle is gone. Her alarm goes off, and
she wakes. She reaches out to hit the snooze button. She runs her hand
through her hair, sits up and moans.
Buffy: Oh… Oh, God…
She gets up out of bed. The hole in the eggshell has sealed itself.
Cut to the kitchen. Joyce takes a sip of her coffee and sets the cup
back down. She goes over to the toaster as Buffy comes in. Buffy sets
her egg down on the island and walks around to where her mother was
sitting. She takes the cup and sips the coffee as she sits down on the
stool. Joyce brings the toast over to the island on a plate.
Joyce: At least eat something if you’re gonna drink that.
Buffy: Not that hungry.
Joyce breaks off a piece of toast and munches it. She indicates the egg.
Joyce: How’s the parenting going?
Buffy: Fine.
Joyce: Are you sure your egg is secure in that?

Buffy: (looks up at her) Did I ask for backseat mommying?
Joyce: (gives her a look) Are we a little touchy this morning?
Buffy: No, I just feel all funky.
Joyce: Hmm. (feels her forehead) You don’t have a fever.
Buffy: Oh, no, it’s not that, I just… I didn’t sleep well.
Joyce: (bends down to her daughter) What’s the matter? Your egg keep
you up all night?
Buffy: (gives her mom a look) You’re killing me. Parenting’s a pain!
Joyce: (straightens up and smiles smugly) Wait till it starts dating.
Buffy lets out an exasperated breath, picks up her egg and leaves.
Cut to the library. Giles is returning some books to the shelves. He
walks out from behind the stacks to see Xander, Willow and Buffy looking
up at him from the bottom of the steps.
Giles: Oh! Why are you three hanging about? Don’t you have classes to
go to?
Willow: Teen health got canceled.
Xander: Mr. Whitmore’s out. Couldn’t find an egg sitter or something.
Buffy and Willow walk up a few steps.
Giles: Well, then, can you give me a hand?
Buffy and Willow: No.
They sit down on the steps. Xander hops up the steps to the mezzanine
Xander: Sure! (starts to shelve some books)
Giles: How did the, um… hunt go last night, Buffy?
Buffy: No go.
Giles: Uh, ‘no’, ‘no’ you didn’t go, or, or, or you were unsuccessful?
Buffy: No Gorches.
Xander: Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English
language is all those pesky words. (looks at her) You… Angel… big…
Buffy: Shut… up.
Giles: I-it’s true, Buffy, you and Willow do seem a little sluggish.
Are you quite sure everything’s alright?
Buffy and Willow exchange a look.
Willow: Maybe something we ate.
Xander: Or perhaps it’s the burden of parenthood. Notice how seriously
you two have taken this egg thing. (the girls clutch their egg baskets)
While I, in turn, have, uh, well, chosen a (takes his egg out of his
shirt pocket) more balanced approach. (starts tossing it around)
Willow: (concerned) Xander, maybe you shouldn’t…

Xander: (interrupts) That’s exactly what I’m talking about. (tosses)
You can’t stress over every little thing! (tosses) A child picks up on
that. Which is a one-way ticket (tosses) to neurotic city.
He catches and tosses the egg again, but misses the next catch. The
girls gasp in fright as the egg hits the floor. Giles lets out a yelp,
too, but then stares at the egg curiously. It just wobbles to a stop,
Willow: (surprised) It didn’t break! (suspicious) How come it didn’t
Xander: (realizes he’s been found out) Which is another secret to
conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
Willow: You boiled your young?
Xander: Yeah! I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta be cruel
to be kind! I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick skinned
Xander reaches down for the egg and picks it up.
Giles: Technically that would be cheating, yes?
He reaches up to put a book on a high shelf. At the back of the shelf
there’s an egg.
Xander: No! It’s like a short cut. You know, when you run a race?
Buffy: That would also be cheating.
Willow: (shakes her head) You should be ashamed.
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of… Machiavellian ingenuity to your
Xander: I resent that! (gets a look from Giles) Or possibly thank you.
Cordelia comes walking into the library.
Cordelia: Figures you three would all be hanging in the dungeon while
something major’s going on at Sunnydale High.
Xander: And what would that be, Cordelia? Barrette Appreciation Day?
(goes back to his shelving)
Cordelia: Mr. Whitmore didn’t show today.
Buffy: That news is of the past.
Cordelia: He’s missing? (the girls all look at Giles) Presumed dead?
Giles: Presumed by whom?
Cordelia: Well, me! (crosses her arms)
Giles: I think we should give him a few hours before we give up on him
Cordelia: Well, I think we should look around, don’t you Xander?
Xander: (looks at her and shakes his head) It can wait.
Cordelia: Well, his body could fall out of a closet somewhere.
Xander looks at the others nervously.
Cordelia: So we should check some closets to see if he’s in a closet?

Xander: (points at her) You’re right. There could be a closet. Let’s
He points at Buffy and Willow as he comes down the stairs.
Xander: You guys look for more clues. We’ll meet back here.
He takes Cordelia by the arm and guides her out of the library.
Buffy: (unenthusiastically) We’ll get right on it.
Willow: (staring after them) Are they getting weirder? Have you noticed
the weirdness of them? (looks at Buffy)
Buffy: They’re weird. (to Giles) Should I have guilt about not looking
for Mr. Whitmore?
Giles: I-I’d rather you conserve your strength for hunting the Gorches.
Buffy: I’ll be fine by tonight. Maybe I’ll sweep the cemetery?
Giles: (concerned) Well, be careful, i-i-if you’re still feeling a
little sluggish.
Buffy: No worries.
Willow: And Angel’s helping you, right?
Buffy: He does what he can.
Cut to the cemetery that night. Buffy and Angel are engaged in a
passionate kissing session once again.
Buffy: Ahh… (kisses) (breaks off) As much as I hate to say this, we
should really go kill bad guys. (kiss)
Angel: It’s late. You should really get home. Hmm? (kiss)
Buffy: What about the Gorches? (kiss)
Angel: I’ll hunt. (kiss)
Buffy: Really? (pulls back and smiles) You’d do that?
Angel: Not like I have an early day tomorrow.
Buffy: Mm, (kiss) true. (they walk) I still have to go home and fill
out my egg diary.
Angel: Your what?
Buffy: Oh, I told you, that faux parenting gig we’re doing at school.
(faces him) Like I’m really planning to have kids anytime soon. Uh,
maybe someday, in the future, when I’m done having a life, but…
right now kids would be just a little too much to deal with.
Angel: I wouldn’t know. (looks at her) I don’t… Well, you know, I, I
Buffy: Oh. (looks away briefly, then back) That’s okay, um… I-I
figured there were all sorts of things vampires couldn’t do. You know,
like work for the Telephone Company, or volunteer for the Red Cross,
or… have little vampires.
Angel: So you don’t think about the future?
Buffy: No.
Angel: Never?

Buffy: No.
Angel: (swallows) You really don’t care what happens a year from now?
Five years from now?
Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, a-a… all I see is you! All
I want is you.
Angel: I know the feeling.
He reaches down to kiss her. He finds her lips and she responds. They
kiss more and more passionately. The camera pans away from them and
across a gravestone that reads ‘In Loving Memory’.
Cut to the halls at school that night. The night watchman comes walking
along and checks a door. Finding it properly locked he continues on. He
stops at the hall intersection and looks each way. To his right he sees
the door to the basement standing ajar, and goes over to it. He opens it
wider, looks in and enters. Cut into the basement. The watchman comes
down the steps making no attempt to be quiet. The doors to the boiler
room are open, and he steps in. He tries the light switch, but it
doesn’t work.
Watchman: Hello? Is anybody in here?
He pulls out his Maglite, turns it on and continues into the room. The
lights on the boiler controls are active and the fires are burning. When
he’s walked past the boilers he sees a huge hole in the concrete wall
behind a bunch of stacked up barrels and boxes. He slowly walks over to
the stack with his flashlight held over his shoulder like a bat,
lighting the way but ready to swing if need be. Finding no one there he
puts his Maglite down and pushes aside a stack of boxes blocking the
way. He can see the hole clearly now, and a tunnel continues on beyond
it. He picks up his flashlight again and holds it ready like before. He
steps up to look through the hole. Behind him Mr. Whitmore appears
holding a pick and slams him across the back with it, making him fall
through the hole and knocking him out. Mr. Whitmore climbs through the
hole after the watchman.
Cut to Buffy’s room. She climbs in through the window, and her egg
rocking in its basket immediately grabs her attention. She stares at it
a second, and then comes over to it. She bends down to look at it
closely, not having expected it to hatch and curious about it. She gets
closer and closer, staring at it intently. The top half of the shell
cracks into thirds. Suddenly two of the pieces fly away while the third
just falls back, and she sees a purplish-gray thing with tentacles is
curled up inside of it. It jumps out at her, and she reacts instantly.
It misses her, lands on the floor and quickly crawls under her bed.
Buffy is stunned, but quickly regains her composure, and reaches down
into her wicker laundry basket for her iron. She stands back up and
looks at the darkness under her bedspread. Slowly she approaches her bed
and kneels down. She quickly raises the spread and looks underneath with
the iron held ready to smash anything that might come at her. Nothing.
She stands back up and scans around her room. Whatever it was, it’s
nowhere to be seen. Suddenly it falls onto her shoulder from above. It
tries to crawl down her back, but she grabs it and flings it off. It
crawls quickly behind her desk and along the wall past her bookcase
toward her bed. She looks for a different weapon, and grabs a pair of
scissors from her desk. The creature, in the mean time, has disappeared
again. She approaches her bed with the scissors held ready to stab.
Behind her the hatchling crawls up the wall. Buffy senses it and swings
around with the scissors and stabs it dead center. She pulls it off of
the wall, impaled on the scissors, and slams it to the floor. She steps
on its tail to hold it down while she stabs it several more times.
Satisfied of its demise she drops the scissors and crawls backward to
lean against her bed. Her next thought is to call Willow. She
frantically grabs for her phone on the nightstand and knocks it and the
clock to the floor. She grabs the receiver and nervously taps in the

Buffy: Come on! Pick up!
Willow: (after the first ring) Hello?
Buffy: Willow! Are you okay?
Willow: (cut to her) Why shouldn’t I be?
Buffy: (cut to her) Your egg! I-is it doing anything?
Willow: (cut to her) (confused) Doing what?
Buffy: Break it! (cut to her) Right now! I want you to smash it with
something heavy!
Willow: Buffy, what…
Buffy: My egg! It went… It went postal on me! The thing hatched, and
it, it sprung this creepy-crawly thing, and it attacked me!
Willow: (cut to her) Are you okay?
Buffy: (cut to her) Yeah, no, I’m fine, but, but your egg!
Willow: (cut to her) I-is totally normal. Uh, I put it in the fridge.
Buffy: Oh.
Willow: Maybe it’s a trap. Something the Gorch bothers planted for you?
Buffy: (cut to her) Maybe. Yeah, uh… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have
woken you. Uh, g-go back to sleep.
Willow: (cut to her) You sure?
Buffy: (cut to her) Yeah! Yeah, I’m, I’m better. I’m, I’m fine.
Willow: (cut to her) Okay. I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Cut to Buffy. She lowers the phone and turns it off.
Cut to Willow. She puts her phone back in its cradle. The two halves of
the empty eggshell are covered on the inside with a grayish-blue slime.
The camera pulls in for a close-up of Willow’s face. She stares blankly
off into space.
~~ Part 3 ~~
Buffy’s room at night. She puts her phone and its cradle back on her
nightstand behind her clock. It’s 2:45am. Suddenly she hears her door
open and her mother coming in.
Joyce: What’s going on in here?
Thinking quickly Buffy grabs the cloth from her former egg’s basket and
lays it over the dead creature.
Joyce: Buffy, who are you talking to at this ho…?
Buffy scrambles to her feet and faces her mother, eyes wide with
Joyce: Why are you dressed? Where exactly do you think you’re going at
this hour of the night?
Buffy: Nowhere.
Joyce: Who was that on the phone? (comes in further)
Buffy: Um, uh, Willow. (exhales) She wasn’t feeling well today, so I

was just calling to make sure she was feeling better.
Joyce: (crosses her arms) You’re gonna have to do much better than
that, young lady.
Buffy: I had a bad dream?
Joyce: Oh, no, you’re about to have a bad dream! (comes to stand next
to her) A dream that you are grounded for the rest of your natural life.
Cut to the next morning in their Jeep pulling to a stop in front of the
Joyce: Which means: no after school socializing, no Bronze, no nothing.
Not until I say so. Do you understand?
Buffy: Yeah, but I think you’re…
Joyce: (interrupts) Now, school ends at 2:30. I want you to go to the
library at 2:33 and study until I pick you up there at 5:30. Understood?
Buffy: Yeah.
Joyce: Good. Have a nice day.
Buffy undoes her seatbelt, grabs her backpack and gets out of the car.
She closes the door behind her and pulls on the backpack while she
watches her mother drive off. She climbs the stairs up from the street
and goes over to Cordelia who just finished talking with a friend. She
has a teddy bear backpack.
Buffy: Nice bear. Listen is your…
Cordelia: (interrupts) Hey, I’ll have you know that my father brought
this bear back from Gstaad years ago. Then all of a sudden these
trendoids everywhere started sporting them. So I’m totally not wearing
it. Then I thought, hey, I’m the one who started this nationwide craze!
What am I ashamed of?
Buffy: Okay, Soliloquy Girl, I just wanted to ask about your egg.
Cordelia: My egg?
Buffy: Yeah. Your egg. The one Mr. Whitmore gave you.
Cordelia: It’s in my bear.
Buffy: So, your egg isn’t acting odd or anything?
Cordelia: It isn’t acting anything. It’s an egg, Buffy, it doesn’t
emote. (sees another friend) Shanisse! (goes away) Is that your real
Buffy watches her go. Willow puts her hand on Buffy’s shoulder, and she
turns to face her.
Willow: Hey!
Buffy: Hi!
Cut to Xander munching on a candy bar. He looks down at it as he chews
Xander: Mm. Cardboardy!
He sits on a wall and discards the rest of the candy bar. He opens his
satchel and digs through it for his egg. He pulls it out, looks at it
and lets out a breath.
Xander: Sorry, Junior, but a man’s gotta eat.

He taps the egg a few times on the wall next to him and then rolls it
back and forth under his hand. Cut to Buffy and Willow walking across
the grass toward Xander. Behind them Cordelia catches up as she looks
through a book.
Willow: So, was there any more hatchling activity last night?
Buffy: No. Uh, you were probably right. It was just a trap from them
set for me. And, (sees Cordelia) mm, (indicates her) everyone else’s egg
seemed perfectly normal.
Xander: Did you bring the thing that attacked you.
Buffy: Yeah. Giles wants to see it. He’s in full research mode.
Willow: Okay. Well, bring it to the science lab, and I’ll get Giles,
and we’ll analyze it.
The camera pans around them and focuses on Willow’s lower back.
Buffy: Great. You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy…
is like a day without sunshine.
The camera shows a hatchling attached to Willow’s back under her shirt.
Cut to Xander. He smiles and nods at the girls when he sees them coming.
Xander: Hey.
He holds up the egg, ready to take a bite. There’s a purplish-gray
creature still inside, dead from being boiled. Xander looks at it just
as he’s about to bite into it and freaks out. He screams as he tosses
the egg away from him.
Cut to the science lab. The hatchling is laid out in a dissection tray.
Xander taps his fingers on the table as he and Buffy look at it.
Xander: Can I just say Gyughhh!
Buffy: I see your ‘Gyughhh!’ and raise you a Nyaghhh!
Cordelia: What is it?
Xander: We don’t know what it is, Cordelia, that’s why we’re here.
Cordelia: ‘Capisce’? What are you, world traveler now?
Willow comes into the lab.
Buffy: Hey, where’s Giles? I know he won’t wanna miss this.
Willow: He said to get started. He’ll be by as soon as possible.
Xander: So, okay! Get started, Buffy! Dissect it or something. (hands
her a scalpel)
Buffy: (takes the blade) Me? Why do I have to dissect it?
Xander: Uh, because you’re the Slayer?
Buffy: And I slayed! My work here is done. (puts the scalpel on the
table in front of Xander)
Xander: Oh, no, I almost ate one of those things. I think I’ve
fulfilled my gross-out quota for the decade.
Willow: Guys…
She takes the scalpel and starts the dissection. The camera pans around

Cordelia to her bear.
Xander: Do we even know what to look for? I mean, how are we supposed
to figure out what this thing is?
The bear’s right eye pops out and a tentacle emerges.
Buffy: Turn it over. Maybe we missed its ID bracelet.
The bear’s left eye pops out and another tentacle emerges.
Xander: So, now I guess, uh, we know what happened to Mr. Whitmore.
Cut to them talking.
Cordelia: He saw this and ran away?
Buffy: Try best case scenario.
Willow: It’s possible that Mr. Whitmore wasn’t harmed. Maybe the
offspring simply used him to return to the mother bezoar.
Cordelia leans over to pick something up.
Xander: Yeah. Maybe he… (turns to Willow) What?
Cordelia straightens back up holding a metal bar, which she wields like
a baseball bat.
Buffy: What’s a bez…
Cordelia hits Buffy in the face with the bar, knocking her down and out.
Xander: Cordy! What…
Willow picks up a microscope and hits Xander over the head with it just
as he looks back at her again. The screen goes black.
Cut to the utility closet. It’s pitch dark inside. Willow opens the
door, and she and Cordelia drag Xander in. They heave him in, and he
falls to the floor. They step out to let two boys drag Buffy in as well,
and they let her drop unceremoniously. They leave the closet, and Willow
closes and locks the door.
Cut to the groundkeeper’s shed. Willow opens the double doors and walks
in. Cordelia follows her, and a line of students is right behind. Willow
walks up to a post where a couple of dozen picks, axes, hoes and shovels
are kept. She grabs a pickaxe and heads back out of the door. Cordelia
grabs a hoe and follows. Student after student, and even an occasional
teacher, grabs a digging tool and follows Willow.
Cut to the hall outside the basement door. Willow walks up to the open
door and heads right in. The line of students is right behind her. Cut
inside the basement. They come down the stairs and head into the boiler
room. One by one they step though the hole in the wall and follow the
tunnel down. Mr. Whitmore is standing by the hole keeping guard.
Cut outside the school. It’s gotten dark. Cut to the library. Joyce
walks in and looks around.
Joyce: Buffy?
She continues in and keeps looking.
Joyce: Hello?
Giles: (pokes his head out of the cage) Hello?
Joyce: (faces him) Oh! Mr. Giles, hi. Uh, I-I was looking for Buffy.
She, she was supposed to wait for me here.

Giles: Well, sh-she hasn’t been in. I-I’ve been waiting to talk to her
myself about, uh, uh… h-history texts.
Joyce: (leans on the card catalog) That is just the last straw!
Giles: I-I’m sure she didn’t mean to, uh…
Joyce: She never means to, but somehow she always manages to anyway. Do
you have children, Mr. Giles?
Giles: Um…
Joyce: (whispers) Sh-should I be whispering?
Giles: (whispers) No. (speaks) A-a-and, uh, no, I, I haven’t any
children. A-although, uh, sometimes I feel as though I do, uh, working
Joyce: They can be such a… (considers her words) Oh, uh, I-I-I don’t
want to say ‘burden’, but, uh… Uh, actually I kind of do want to say
‘burden’! (smiles)
Giles: (smiles) Feel free!
Joyce: Oh, they’re just so irresponsible.
Giles: Sometimes.
Joyce: (notices the books lying on the catalog) ‘Bristow’s Demon
Index’, ‘Hell’s Offspring’?
Giles: (takes the books) A hobby of mine, uh, but, uh, having nothing
to do with Buffy in any way.
He takes the books into the cage, stows them on a shelf and then comes
back out.
Giles: Um, you say Buffy told you that she’d be here all afternoon?
Joyce: Well, yes. I-i-is something wrong?
Giles: Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing. (pulls open a drawer) (hears a noise
in the hall) What was that?
Joyce: Mm, probably the janitor.
She faces the door to look. Giles takes a hatchling out of the card
catalog drawer and sets it on Joyce’s back. She screams as she tries to
reach around her back and falls to the floor. Giles stares blankly off
into space.
~~ Part 4 ~~
The hall outside the library. Giles and Joyce come walking out into the
hall staring blankly ahead and join the line of students and teachers
heading for the basement.
Cut to the utility closet. Buffy has regained consciousness and reaches
up for the light string and gives it a yank. She takes a quick look
around and then looks down at Xander, still out cold on the floor.
Buffy: Hey! Xander! (slaps his cheek) Hey! You alright?
Xander: (wakes, moans and blinks his eyes) Last time Cordy dragged me
in here it was a lot nicer.
Buffy: What?
Xander: Uh… (fully awake now) Huh? Nothing. Uh, crazy talk. Head

Buffy: (helps him sit up) Tell me about it. I’m gonna have a (feels her
head) big bump.
Xander: Uh, I’m gonna have a peninsula! (points at his head) Here, (she
helps him up) what, what the hell’s goin’ on? Cordy and Willow?
They look around the room.
Buffy: Something to do with the hatchlings, I’m sure of it.
She tries the door but finds it locked.
Xander: What, are they possessed?
Buffy: I don’t know. But they sure wanted us out of the way.
Xander: (holding his head) Well, why not kill us? (lets go of his head)
Why, uh, why drag us in here?
Buffy spots two eggs on the floor. Xander follows her gaze. One of them
is rocking.
Xander: Oh. (steps back) Bad now.
Buffy looks around for something heavy and sees a toolbox. She picks it
up from the shelf, raises it and smashes it onto the two eggs. A dark
blue slime squirts out around the toolbox. Then she kicks open the door.
Xander: (holds his head again) Thank you. (moans and follows her out)
Cut to the library. Buffy and Xander come rushing in.
Buffy: Giles!
Xander: Giles!
They look around, but find the place deserted.
Xander: He must be out somewhere.
Buffy: Well, he picked a helluva time to get a life.
Xander: What are we gonna do?
Buffy: We can’t fight these things until we know something about ’em.
Xander: (thinks) Alright, Willow said something. Uh, a name. What was
Buffy: A bozo! Not a bozo.
Xander: A bezoar.
Buffy: That’s it! Okay, so now… we look it up?
Xander: In what?
Buffy: A book?
They look over at the counter where there are several books lying open
and go over to them.
Buffy: Giles said he was gonna try to find something…
She takes the book on top that’s open to a picture and turns it around
to look at it. The sketch is of a disk-shaped, tentacled monster.
Buffy: And I’d say he found something.

Xander moves around her to have a look himself, steps on half an
eggshell and looks down at it.
Xander: I’d say something found him.
Cut to the basement. Giles and Joyce lead a line of students to the hole
and step through. They head down the tunnel and come out into another
room deeper underground. Giles heads to the side ramp that leads to a
slightly lower level and takes a crowbar handed to him by Mr. Whitmore,
who has a box of new bezoar eggs in his other arm. The camera pans
across the room, past Cordelia wiping off eggs being handed to her from
below by another student, to Willow pounding on the concrete floor with
a sledgehammer. Joyce goes down the other side and takes a hoe held out
to her by the watchman. She starts banging it on the floor as the
watchman goes back to his post. Cut to a close-up of the floor. A large
chunk has broken off and appears to be floating on something. Willow and
Joyce keep pounding on it to break it up into smaller pieces. Cut to a
student pulling an egg out from between some larger gaps in the floor.
He hands it up to Cordelia, who wipes it off in a towel and hands it to
Mr. Whitmore, who places it in a wooden box filled with wood shavings
and more eggs. Cut to the floor again. The camera pans over to a large
hole in the floor where the concrete has already been removed and shows
the pink-fleshed mother bezoar’s body as it moves and throbs.
Cut to the library. Buffy reads from the book out loud.
Buffy: ‘Pre-pre-historic parasite. The mother hibernates underground,
laying eggs. The offspring then attach themselves to a host, taking
control of their motor functions through neural clamping.’
Xander: ‘Neural clamping.’ That sounds skippable.
Buffy: So, our people are taking orders from the mama bezoar. Which
begs the question…
Xander: What does mama want?
They hear a student screaming out in the hall.
Jonathon: Somebody help me!
They run out to investigate. Cut to the hall. Jonathon is struggling
with a hatchling on his back and falls to the floor, screaming.
Jonathon: Get this thing off me! Get this… Somebody help me! Help!
Buffy and Xander come running out the door and see Jonathon get back up.
Buffy: Are you okay?
Jonathon: (deadpan) I’m fine. I slipped.
He turns and heads down the hall. Buffy and Xander exchange a look.
Buffy: I think I hear mommy calling.
Xander: Uh-huh.
They follow Jonathon down the hall. Cut to the boiler room. Jonathon
comes walking in and heads straight for the hole. Buffy and Xander peek
in, and seeing no one else is there follow him in. Around the corner
from the boilers they see Jonathon climb through the hole and head down
the tunnel.
Xander: Do we really wanna go in there?
Buffy: We really don’t.
They exchange another look and make for the hole. Buffy climbs in and

looks back at Xander before continuing down the tunnel.
Xander: Careful.
He starts through as well, but doesn’t lift his foot high enough and
trips through the hole and falls into the tunnel.
Cut to the room below. The digging and egg gathering activity continues.
Jonathon comes walking in. Behind him Buffy and Xander peek into the
Xander: What are they diggin’ up?
The camera pans over to a student and shows the pink mother bezoar in
the pit.
Buffy: Oh, boy.
She sees Cordelia handing Mr. Whitmore an egg.
Buffy: We can’t let them spread those eggs.
Xander: I’ll handle it. Um, can you, uh, hold down the fort?
Buffy: I’m gonna need a weapon. I’m gonna need a big weapon.
Xander: Yeah.
Buffy heads back up the tunnel to see what she can find in the way of a
weapon. Xander starts walking into the room staring blankly ahead. Giles
hands him a chunk of concrete to carry away. He takes it and drops it to
the side. Cordelia and another student start into a utility tunnel with
a box of eggs. Xander follows them.
Cut to the boiler room. Buffy steps through the hole back into the room
and looks around for anything that might be of use. She spots a barrel
with several scrap pieces of pipe and grabs the largest one. The Gorch
brothers come over and stand behind her. She turns to face them.
Lyle: I told you this weren’t over.
Tector: She’s so cute. And little. Think we can keep her?
Buffy: Guys, this really isn’t a great time.
Lyle: Oh, it’s gonna be. (smiles)
Buffy jams the pipe into both their faces and again into Lyle’s gut.
Tector punches her, and she stumbles toward the hole a bit, but turns
around and kicks him in the chest, sending him back into some metal
He charges Buffy and grabs her. They go flying through the hole and into
the tunnel. Cut to the room below. They come tumbling out of the tunnel
and onto the floor. They both quickly get up and face off, but Lyle is
distracted by all the activity.
Lyle: What the hell is this?
Buffy sees her mother with a pick going back to continue digging next to
Buffy: Mom?
Joyce and Willow look up at her.
Willow: (deadpan) Kill them.

Several students start to advance on Buffy and Lyle. She does a
roundhouse kick and gets two of them. Lyle ducks a swing with a shovel
from another and hits him in the back, knocking him to the floor. Buffy
follows up her kick with two more, and then sidesteps Giles as he swings
his crowbar at her. He stumbles past her and into the wall behind her.
Lyle backhand punches another one and picks the one up from the floor
and throws him back. Buffy pushes a boy with a pick away from her and
follows up with a kick to his head, making him flip over backward. Giles
comes at her again from behind, and she grabs him and shoves him into
the next attacker. Lyle punches a girl, and she spins away. Buffy kicks
another one in the gut. Lyle picks another one up off of the floor and
tosses him aside.
Lyle: What the hell is goin’ on?!
He punches another student and Buffy kicks still another.
Buffy: Long story.
Lyle hits a boy over the head with a chunk of concrete. The students
have all been knocked back, so Lyle turns his attention back to Buffy.
He smiles at her and takes a swing. She ducks it and punches him in the
gut and face. He swings again and she ducks again. His momentum turns
him around, and she kicks him in the back. The students start coming
again, and Buffy and Lyle each punch one.
Cut to the utility tunnel. Cordelia and the other student turn a corner
and walk down a side tunnel. Xander follows them at a short distance
behind. The far end of the tunnel appears to exit onto a body of water.
Xander comes up behind the student and shoves him into the wall,
knocking him out. Cordelia turns and sees, sets the box down and takes a
swing at Xander. He ducks away and gets around her, blocking her way to
the water and holding his hands out in front of him.
Xander: Cordelia! I don’t wanna hurt ya. Some of the time.
When she doesn’t make another move against him he bends down to pick up
the box. Cordelia punches down at his head. Xander stands back up and
yells out in pain and frustration, trying to restrain himself.
Xander: That’s my BUMP!
He can’t hold back any longer and punches her. She spins around and
falls unconscious to the floor. He raises his hands in disbelief and
Cut to the underground room. Buffy and Lyle continue to fight the
students coming at them. Lyle gets hit and staggers into the wall. Buffy
kicks one. Tector finally shows up at the tunnel mouth and rubs his
hands together.
Tector: Well, alright!
He spits into both hands to get ready to fight, but notices the mother
bezoar and lets it distract him. He walks over to the edge of the pit
and looks in.
Tector: Well, looky there!
He bends over the pit for a better look. The mother bezoar opens its eye
and looks up at him.
Tector: (smiles) Well, hello!
Mama sends up a tentacle and wraps it around his neck. He begins to
choke as he struggles not to get pulled in. He loses out and falls into
the pit. Buffy and Lyle watch it happen.

Tector’s boots disappear into the pit.
Lyle: Tector?
The bezoar lets out a deep, loud belch. Lyle looks over at Buffy.
Lyle: This is all your fault!
Buffy: How?
Lyle takes her by the shoulder and flips her over onto her back. Joyce
comes up to her and swings her pick down at her. Buffy rolls out of the
way, but her feet end up over the bezoar’s pit. Mama wraps a tentacle
around her ankles and pulls her in. Buffy grabs Joyce’s pick and drags
it in with her. Lyle watches in amazement. Buffy and the mother bezoar
begin to fight, and the digging activity in the room comes to a stop.
The students and teachers gather around the pit and watch. Slashing
sounds and bezoar screams emanate from the pit. Lyle steps closer for a
better look. The bezoar lets out a dying scream and its eye closes. The
hatchlings all fall from their hosts, and the students and adults all
collapse to the floor unconscious. Lyle is suddenly the only person
awake in the room. He slowly gets closer to the pit, looking around at
all the prone bodies. He guardedly steps to the edge and looks in. A
pick comes flying out and lands on the floor next to him. He quickly
takes several steps back. A hand covered with slime comes out of the
pit. Another hand follows, and Buffy pulls herself up and out. She is
streaked with slime. She stands up and faces Lyle. He can’t believe his
Lyle: (nods) Alright. (tips his hat) It’s over.
He turns and hightails it out of there. Buffy just watches him go.
Cut outside the school building. Several students come walking out,
dirty and dazed. Giles tries to calm several others with an explanation,
but is himself confused as he makes his way over to Xander, Willow and
Cordelia. Fire trucks and police can be heard arriving.
Giles: Yes, yes, uh, i-i-it was a-a, a gas leak, everyone. Uh, well,
just, uh, get some air, and a… good night’s rest, you know, uh, you’ll
be fine. These gas things… will happen. (to Xander) W-w-what was it
Xander: Stick with the gas thing. I’ll fill you in tomorrow.
Giles: Right. (walks off)
Xander: (faces Willow and Cordelia) How you guys doin’?
Willow: Did I really hit you?
Xander: (nods) You knocked me out.
Cordelia: Did I hit you?
Xander: (nods hard) Yes, everyone hit me.
Cordelia: Good. Well, I don’t mean ‘good’ because I hit you, but I
didn’t wanna be left out.
Xander sees Buffy approaching and goes over to her. She’s washed up and
Buffy: How is she?
Xander: She’s a bit confused, but it’s goin’ around.
He nods in the direction of her mother, and she starts toward her. Joyce
comes walking the other way looking around for Buffy. They meet halfway
and clasp hands.

Buffy: Are you okay?
Joyce: Buffy, I was worried you’d gotten caught in the building. There,
there was a gas leak. (they walk)
Buffy: Uh, yeah, I-I just heard. I was in the gym.
Joyce: I went looking for you in the library.
Buffy: Oh, well, I was on my way there, when I…
Joyce: (interrupts) I thought I made it pretty clear that you weren’t
to leave the library till I came.
Buffy: The other side of that is there was a gas leak, and…
Joyce: (interrupts) Well, I’m not really interested in the other side
right now. Young lady, you have to learn some responsibility, okay? Once
and for all.
Buffy: I’m grounded?
Joyce: You’re already grounded.
Buffy: Oh, yeah.
Joyce: (stops walking) Until further notice you are confined to your
room. You will not leave your room at any time except to go to school or
the bathroom. Am I making myself clear?
Buffy: You’re clear. I won’t leave my room.
Joyce: You’re damn right, you won’t.
She stalks off angrily. Buffy follows her a moment later.
Cut to Buffy and Angel kissing. Angel breaks off.
Angel: Are you sure you’re not gonna get in trouble?
Buffy: Hey, I earned this. (kiss) Besides, I’m not breaking any rules.
The camera pulls back slowly and shows Buffy is inside her room at her
window with Angel standing outside on the roof.
Joyce: (from the hall) Buffy? Are you going to bed?
Buffy: In a minute!
She turns back to Angel and smiles at him. They start kissing again as
the camera continues to pull back.

Marianne LeBlanc
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